Repeat after me: this is not a photo of the Farm…
Is there anything better than kicking back with a six pack of Heineken and reading old internal CIA memos?
By now we’ve all perused the Family Jewels. And no, I have nothing new to report other than Goddamn, where do I sign up!? Assassinations, detentions, mail opening, wiretapping, mind control and exploding pens – man, Tuesday is the new Saturday over there. Ahhh, there’s always been a soft spot in my heart for mind control. Of course, none of that bad business goes on anymore…
But it sure was a colorful bunch of characters kicking around Langley in the ’50s and ’60s. Take Sydney “The Black Sorcerer” Gottlieb for instance. Now there was one Cool Hand Luke. Only a true American Badass could come up with the idea to spray Castro’s television studio with LSD. Rock! Or to put Thallium in his shoes so his beard would fall out. Double rock! And of course the good Doctor’s masterpiece. No one could accuse Syd of being an underachiever.
According to the Jewels, Syd was too much for some CIA softies, who got cold feet along the way. KGB never lose sight of priorities, comrades.
Also delivering a solid performance starting on page 12 is “Handsome” Johnny Roselli, who was retained by the Agency to slip Castro a bad pill. John allegedly later claimed to have been in a certain storm drain in a certain Texas City on November 22, 1963. And he wasn’t there to clean it out. Handsome John lasted until sometime in late July or early August of 1976, when he was strangled, stabbed, had his legs removed and all parts of him jammed into an oil drum that was subsequently launched into a Florida Bay days before he was to testify for a second time in front of the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Intelligence about, among other things, the Kennedy assasination.
That of course brings us to the most disappointing omission from the Jewels — the coffee stained memo about who took half of Jack Kennedy’s head off. Well, we’ve always got James Files‘ claim it was him (after Roselli missed.)
Admittedly, a lot of the 703 pages of the Jewels are boring. Do we need a 5 page memo detailing how the Agency got back the TV it lent the FBI? No. More mind control please.
But, just as you’re about to pack it in, hit the hard stuff and get sideways, there’s another shiny nugget:
“Get details on the cryogenic magnetometer that is used on unwitting subjects.”
Wicked Triple Rock!