I thought it would be amusing to offer a complete account of my employment history, which is pathetically blue-collar. Just because I own an iPhone doesn’t mean I’m some spoiled douchebag. Well, I’m not spoiled, at least.
Painful memories for Mr. Contrarian, but it might make you feel better about your own CV:
Dishwasher, family-style restaurant.
Dishwasher, pub-style restaurant.
Pizza-twerp, Pizza Hut.
Overnight floor cleaner/buffer, various supermarkets.
Caregiver to mentally disabled people.
Caregiver to mentally ill/mentally disabled/criminally-oriented people. (Seriously. I was trained how to physically subdue them if they got out of hand).
Waiter, pizza joint.
Counter dork, food court hotdog stand.
Overnight shift at world’s sketchiest convenience store.
Telemarketer, government surveys.
Telemarketer, shady mobile home refinance company. (Later shut down by the Feds).
Dishwasher, sandwich joint.
Line cook, eclectic American restaurant.
Late-night pizza flipper, sleazy college pub.
Inventory coordinator, music department of prominent national chain bookstore. Worked alone in an unventilated broomcloset with the burning plastic fumes from a shrinkwrap machine. Surely an OSHA violation.
Clerk/buyer/assistant manager, awesome independent record store.
Freelance music journalist.
Music Editor, awesome alt-newsweekly.
I’m sure I’m leaving a few things out. But the point should be pretty clear: I ain’t no senator’s son.