Back when I was still an angry young man (read full account here), I maintained an up-to-the-minute Balls Kicking List.
What’s that, you may ask? Well, it’s just what it sounds like: a complilation of individuals who had crossed the line from merely annoying to potentially detrimental to society, and from whom retribution was due. Curiously, they were all musicians, which shows you where my head was at.
And the grand tradition continues: Chunklet wants you to share your own BKL with the rest of the world. You’re not restricted to pop artists, so feel free to get creative. All aboard the nut-knocking train!
For me, acts of fantasy sac-vengeance no longer have the same appeal as they once did. But my inventory circa ’92-93 is pretty telling:
Dave Pirner and Soul Asylum
The wee lads kids of Silverchair
Madonna (Don’t tell me she doesn’t have testes).
Bush (The band, not the president[s]. Although they’re all fair game, really).
The Flaming Lips
Hanson (Of course, it’s debatable whether or not their balls had even dropped by this point).
Ugly Kid Joe
Popular House Music
The Crow Soundtrack (Line the guilty parties up against the wall of a fog-shrouded urban alley at midnight).
It’s interesting for me to consider which of these offenders still deserve a good marbles-mauling and which would be absolved due to irrelevance.
Were I to make a list right now, I’d likely target my toes on the bollocks of piano-plunking momthrobs and mascaraed "emo" acts. Oh, and Dane Cook. But that goes without saying.