So, the other night I was relaxing and prepping to watch episode ten of "Mad Men." I was wearing my suit and tie; a glass of Jack, neat, rested next to the computer. (I should mention that I believe in interactive viewing and I don’t care whether it’s a TV show or a movie, I always pretend to be the hero).
My only violation of character (and time-period) was when I sprinkled a few lines of the Devil’s Dandruff onto my TV-tray. I admit, I was hasty with the ATM card cut-up job. By my second line, I instantly felt a clog. Pressing my left nostril shut, I sprayed my nasal-contents all over the computer screen. Amazingly, there were more colors than the expected reds and whites. I leaned in for a closer look and, lo and behold, I discovered . . little black antennae? Could it be? And a little tiny compound eye? When I saw the tiny mandibles, I could no longer contain my revulsion, and I further desecrated my laptop with vomit.
Well, it’s a day later and I now know the score. You see, Peru has gotten rather innovative in its smuggling methods of late. Turns out those industrious Incans have been stuffing dead beetles with cocaine and sending them over to the Netherlands, parcel post. 300 grams of cocaine were uncovered by customs officials. $11,305.09 is the estimated street value. But it seems the authorities weren’t completely successful in staunching the drippage: I coughed up part of a wing an hour ago.
Oh, and in regards to the title of this post. . . I know, and I’m sorry. But how often does one get this kind of opportunity?
What else? Animal-rights activists have convinced some Holland coffeeshops to make their "spacecakes" [ED: Sources confirm this is street slang for hash brownies] with eggs from free-range chickens. I love the news over here.