"The 5,000-capacity park will be the first of its kind in Britain, but not in the world. In Orlando, Florida, hundreds of thousands of visitors make pilgrimages to the Holy Land Experience, where they can see a bloodied Jesus forced to carry his cross by snarling Roman soldiers."
This is, without doubt, my favorite planet. Perusing the Guardian today, I came across Big News. To challenge Darwin’s theory of evolution, the AH Trust (Christian Businessmen) have tactfully decided to erect a Creationist Theme Park somewhere in Northwest England. Brilliant.
3.5 million dollars spent, in true Christian fashion, on things people need. I immediately wondered if this Genesis-based fantasyland was in response to an existing Evolution Theme Park. Turns out, this is not the case. [ED - too bad; we could've taken a staff field trip!]
Now, I don’t care whether a person bases their understanding of the world on evolution or creationist theory, but come on. . . let’s at least be fair. The major problem I have with creationists is their blatant pro-Genesis bias. If you want to teach creationism, go for it. Just keep in mind there’s a plethora of creation myths, each one deserving equal attention. If the Apaches exist, surely they were created as they say they were. A valid creationist curriculum should contain origin legends for EVERYBODY — Babylonian, Egyptian, Chinese, Maori, Hopi, Aztec, Norse and so forth. The list is long and remarkably detailed: in the beginning there were blood clots, clay, dust, ribs, eggs, the Big Sneeze, water, chaos, the sky raining semen into the vaginal seas. . .
So why the explicit need for a Genesis Theme Park? Well, according to the AH Trust‘s website, this "revolutionary scheme" is crucial because:
"On television today there is so much sex and violence, it is no wonder our youth are binge drinking. . . This is a revolutionary scheme requiring innovative people with the vision to bring about change and a new direction."
I have a better solution for culture warriors intent on edifying art and entertainment: Eunuch Camp. Sexual temptation ceases to be a problem, and the vulnerable children can peacefully surrender to the lukewarm allure of Audio Adrenaline and Sonicflood. Believe me, I’m tired of the corrupting influence secular-progressives have on our culture. I believe in preserving tradition. Whose tradition? Which tradition? Uh. . . whichever one worked out for the best. Take your pick.
I’m off to the carnival in two days. Brussels, Germany, then New Years in London. I wish you all happy holidays. Please feast and drink. Be excessive. Remember, merrymaking isn’t a hobby: it’s a way of life.