UPDATE: April Fool’s!!!!!!!
I penned this supposed story all by myself, and I’m rather proud of my work. Note how I used words like "queue" and "whilst" for extra authenticity. But seriously — did you really think ANYONE would accept Scotty Weiland as a replacement for Kurt Cobain? There’d be riots in the streets.
From the London Times:
Recent reports have put the on-again, off-again Led Zeppelin reunion tour decidedly back on, with frontman Robert Plant declaring his committment to a worldwide jaunt with the group in early fall. Perhaps most surprising is the band’s choice of opening acts, which follows months of rumors and speculation about who would get the warm-up slot.
In another shocker, Zeppelin, which disbanded in 1980 following the accidental death of drummer John Bonham, has tapped defunct Seattle grunge stars Nirvana as openers. This is most surprising to music fans and observers, considering the suicide of Nirvana frontman and songwriter Kurt Cobain in 1994.
Zeppelin mouthpiece Plant explains the decision: "Many associate us with some bygone hippie era, but members of Zep have always kept abreast of modern music," he told the Times via phone whilst prepping for a tour with US bluegrass singer Allison Krauss. "Nirvana, in many ways, were the Led Zeppelin of their time. And if we can get it back together, so can they."
No comments were forthcoming from the Nirvana camp, which includes bassist Krist Novoselic and drummer Dave Grohl, also of rock act Foo Fighters. Rumors of Cobain’s replacement have begun to run rampant, with ex-Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver singer Scott Weiland at the top of the queue.
"Scott is a natural choice," says one associate close to Nirvana. "Of course, he doesn’t really play guitar, so they’d have to draft another player. I’ve heard Izzy Stradlin‘s [Guns ‘N Roses] name kicked around, but at this point, it’s just speculation."
Led Zeppelin were among the top concert grosses of their era, with some attendance records still standing. The band has not toured the US since 1977, and are expected to command a hefty ticket price for any and all dates.
Wow. I can’t fucking believe it. As psyched as I am about Zep touring, I’m pretty pissed off that Nirvana would contemplate reuniting without Kurt. And especially with that douchebag Weiland. When are bands gonna learn?