Big ups to Wetmachine for this awesome find: A shady company has set up a service (for $40 a year) that lets you send e-mails to your Godless loved ones after you’ve been spirited up to heaven. Here’s the deets, straight from the You’ve Been Left Behind website:
We all have family and friends who have failed to receive the Good News of the Gospel.
unsaved will be ‘left behind’ on earth to go through the "tribulation
period" after the "Rapture". You remember how, for a short time, after
(9/11/01) people were open to spiritual things and answers. (We are
still singing "God Bless America" at baseballs’ seventh inning
stretch.) Imagine how taken back they will be by the millions of
missing Christians and devastation at the rapture. They will know it
was true and that they have blown it. There will be a small window of
time where they might be reached for the Kingdom of God. We have made
it possible for you to send them a letter of love and a plea to receive
Christ one last time. You will also be able to give them some help in
living out their remaining time. In the encrypted portion of your
account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden
valuables, and powers of attorneys’ (you won’t be needing them any
more, and the gift will drive home the message of love). There won’t be
any bodies, so probate court will take 7 years to clear your assets to
your next of Kin. 7 years of course is all the time that will be left.
So, basically the Government of the AntiChrist gets your stuff, unless
you make it available in another way. You can also send information
based on scripture as to what will happen next. Each fulfilled prophecy
will cause your letter and plea to be remembered and a decision to be
"Basically, the Government of the Antichrist gets your stuff." Amazing. I’m gonna start my own company that lets you send e-mails from the Pit, where us infidels will bask in sensual pleasures forbidden to mortals. With free beer and a strong internet connection (no Comcast)!