Since so much of this election cycle has been devoted to people with ladyparts, I felt that I needed to speak out. You see, I myself have a bona fide set of ladyparts. The Contrarian‘s other correspondents, while very good at their jobs, lack that ultimate qualification.
Contrary to popular opinion, my ladyparts are not a magnet that pull me to any politician boasting ladyparts, regardless of her policies. No, like many women, I have a mind of my own. It’s my mindparts that drive my political decisions. As a voter, I’m not looking for someone with whom I can have a beer or try on bras, but rather someone with a brain capable of making the best decisions for this country.
Now, my ladyparts are certainly a factor in my decision-making. I get very irate when politicians try to tell me what I can and can’t do with my ladyparts. My motto: don’t touch my ladyparts unless you have permission! I start to feel queasy when I think about John McCain and Sarah Palin trying to touch my ladyparts. And try they will! If elected, they have both promised to work with all their might to make sure I have no say in what goes in and out of my ladyparts.
I’m a little late to the game, so I’ll skip over Hillary Rodham Clinton‘s candidacy, except to say this: if McCain thought that by choosing Ms. Palin over all of the qualified ladyparts members of his party in order to score some cred (and, more importantly, votes) from HRC supporters, he will be sorely mistaken. As for those defectors from the Secrets of the Ladyparts Sisterhood, well, he’s welcome to them. Anyone with ladyparts who votes against the best interests of her ladyparts is no sister of mine. What I want to know is what it says about McCain’s judgment that he’d choose this particular lady as his running mate (when he had plenty of decent options if he really wanted ladyparts and leadership qualifications). And here are a few more pertinent questions I wouldn’t mind having answered:
1) Why would McCain make such a reckless choice when he is "aware of the enhanced importance of this issue given [his] age.”
2) Did Palin abuse the powers of her office by trying to have her brother-in-law fired? Did she abuse her powers to fire the man who refused to fire her brother-in-law without cause?
3) After she was first elected Mayor of Wasilla, why did Palin ask everyone to resign as a loyalty litmus test? (Sound familiar?)
4) Why would McCain choose a running mate who promises to behave much like George W. Bush?
5) Why would McCain pick someone whose early mayoral priority was to try to get certain books removed from the local library? (When the said books were not removed, the librarian was fired. She was later reinstated following public outcry.)
4) Why does Palin believe that because of her ladyparts, it is NOT OK to lead her household, NOT OK to lead her congregation, but it IS OK to lead the country?
5) Furthermore, why would McCain tap a VP who wants creationism to be taught in schools?
Finally, here’s a question that’s only marginally political: Why would Palin push her daughter into a marriage at 17 to a guy who claims he doesn’t want children, boasts on his MySpace page he’s "a f – – -in’ redneck" and whose interests are "to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- – – and just f – – -in’ chillin’ I guess"?
Good luck with that, young Levi. I’m guessing unless there’s a mystery miscarriage, chillin’ won’t be in the cards for you for some time.