Everyone’s been going on about the impending economic disaster, but my friends, there is a solution to our escalating fiscal woes. And I shall reveal it to you in this very post. But first, allow me to say how good it feels to be once again on U.S soil. I’m back in my island sanctuary and it’s harvest season. The helicopters are amicably buzzing overhead, waiting to befriend the green-thumbed and their illicit bounty.
Back to the money. It’s not yet Christian Heritage Week — which Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin declared as October 21-27 — but the Dow did plunge a "holy" unprecedented 777 points the other day. 777! The Rapture is upon us!!!
You know, the sadist in me wants the entire shithouse to go up in flames — mostly because I’ve already gotten my kicks.
Still, I’m glad Congress rejected the 700 billion dollar bailout. Because we don’t need it. The answer to our current crisis and monumental debt is simple. The fundamentals of our economy are indeed strong. Hard currency still exists and much of that cold, hard cash flooding the world banks is the result of good ol’ fashioned supply and demand. I’m referring to the illegal drugs we publicly demonize yet privately consume by the sheer tonnage. Seriously, Washington: lift the bans, gain control over the drug trade and watch your debts disappear. At least open the doors to marijuana. Hell, if one field in Vermont can rake in 3 million, imagine if every state devoted its available acres to the green?
So there’s your solution. It would work because the exchange of goods for dollars amounts to more than just numbers on monitors. All Joe Public has to do is keep on buying the stuff. And that shouldn’t pose any difficulty because the demand is inherent in us. Gotta feed those THC receptors.
Alas, my fix will likely never happen. But until it does, those fuckers in Washington can’t bitch about the disastrous economy. As I said, the fundamentals are still strong and they could easily cash in on ’em.
Or maybe they can take a cue from Palin and hire a Kenyan witch hunter to scare away our economic demons.