A couple of weeks ago, I was watching MSNBC before work, and I caught a segment on Mexico’s lady drug bosses, or “Queenpins.” If you’ve seen the documentary Cocaine Cowboys and/or its sequel, you probably know about Griselda Blanco, aka “The Godmother.” Griselda may have been one mean Chiquita, but she wasn’t exactly what you’d call a looker. Which is likely why I never saw her on MSNBC in those strange hours between “Morning Joe” and “Hardball.”
Well, the days of the Plain Jane mama Don are apparently over. The modern Queenpin knows how to accessorize and order assassinations.
Consider, if you will, the case of Sandra Avila Beltrán — former beauty queen and current resident of Santa Martha Acatitla women’s prison in Mexico City. Dubbed the “Queen of the Pacific” by local media, Beltrán cut a fearsome (and stylish) figure among Mexican drug lords.
Then there’s the lovely Laura Zuniga (pictured above), a former pageant winner who did some light smuggling for the Juarez Cartel until she was arrested last year in a truck loaded with gang members, guns and ammunition. Authorities said she looked smokin’ with all those assualt rifles — like an NRA calendar come to life.
And let’s not forget Blanca Cázares Salazar, aka “the Empress,” who has been described by her admirers as “a pretty little blond ranch girl who wore tight clothes and white jeans.” She’s been on the run since 2007, when she was tagged by the U.S. Treasury as a key money launderer for narcotics traffickers. So be on the lookout for suspicious hotties in Juicy Couture jog outfits.
I’m just waiting for the inevitable film — think Bad Girls with extra spice. If I had to cast it, I’d go with Penelope Cruz, Selma Hayek and maybe Nadine Velasquez (Catalina on “My Name is Earl”). Of course, the sequel would take place in a sexy ladies prison. . .