Can you remember the last time you were driving in your car, listening to terrestrial FM radio and heard something that made you (in Bob Lefsetz-style all-caps) TURN IT UP?
I can, because it happened to me this morning. I know, I’m as shocked as you.
I listen to the radio in the car because I drive a battle-scarred 2000 Corolla that doesn’t have an iPod input. We’ve got one of those “find a blank station” adapters, but they frankly suck.
I’ve thought about getting satellite radio but the offerings have gotten shittier since the Sirius/XM merger. I’m also hoping not to be driving a 2000 Corolla forever (c’mon Detroit fire sale!), so it’s not really worth the install expense.
Now for a little history. Us oldsters (35 and up) can remember a time when FM radio still carried vestiges of its hairy, free form past. The days when stoner DJs with names like Johnny Fever spun entire Jethro Tull sides while they rolled another jay on the mixing console. The forces of corporatization were definitely on the march throughout the ’70 and ’80s, but right up through the early ’90s, there were still a few stations where the local program director or star DJ made the playlist decisions.
Then came the big bad 1996 Telecommunications Act, which removed the caps on how many stations a single entity could own in a given market. Suddenly, corporations like Clear Channel went on massive station buying sprees, all the while spewing disinformation about “market efficiencies” and “streamlining.” What it really meant was the death of localism and regionalism in mainstream radio. (It’s also why you won’t hear any of top-twenty indie acts like Spoon, Arcade Fire or Andew Bird on the commercial dial.)
Even before I worked in the music biz, I could’ve told you with great accuracy when radio started sucking. I actually remember working for a telephone research firm shortly before the Telecom Act was passed. One of the surveys we conducted was on behalf of a major station group that was trying to determine exactly what pap would be most palatable to the broadest possible demographic for the benefit of selling more national ads. According to these geniuses, people really did need to hear “Sweet Home Alabama” two dozen times a day in order to buy more Colgate products.
Fast forward to the present, when nobody with a fucking pulse listens to terrestrial radio, and the consolidators can’t find buyers for their failing stations because their stock is worth pennies on the dollar. Some respectable radiofolk who were forced out of the business make it a regular point to say “I told you so.”
But back to my story. As I was saying, this morning I was driving to work and flipping through the dial — NPR, C-SPAN Radio, “alternative” station, classic rock. You see, even in the nation’s capital — home to Go Go, Duke Ellington, Bad Brains and Dischord Records — music radio blows.
I landed on one of our two classic rock stations, 94.7. When I first moved here, it was called “The Globe,” and spun crappy modern lite-rock alongside generic Eric Clapton cuts. I guess this format didn’t go over too well, so they switched to playing “Sweet Home Alabama” two dozen times a day (along with those three Pink Floyd tunes, four Aerosmith songs and five Stones cuts). But what I heard this morning was different: the Pat Travers‘ live cover of “Boom Boom, Out Go the Lights.”
Now, this isn’t a great song per se, but I hadn’t heard it on the radio since I was seven years old. Weird. After that tune was done, the jock talked about how he used to spin that cut at the roller rink back in the day. Then he introduced a ditty that “always brought the girls out of the bathroom and on to the rink” — Pat Benatar‘s “Promises in the Dark,” which is not one of the two songs by her they play (those would be “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” and “Heartbreaker”). In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard “Promises” since around the time it came out. Again, not a great cut, but definitely off the well-beaten, post-consolidation path.
I was still trying to wrap my mind around the situation when I was slammed by the start-stop riffage of Led Zeppelin‘s “The Wanton Song” — an incredibly deep cut from Physical Graffiti. I don’t think I’ve ever heard this on the air outside a midnight “Zepset.” So naturally, I rolled the windows down and CRANKED the motherfucker.
This was followed by a live version of Rush‘s “Closer to the Heart.” OK, classic rock stations do play this one, but not the concert version. (I rolled up the windows, because there were chicks on the street.) After that, it was “Holy Diver” by Dio. That’s right — they played Holy Fucking Diver during a.m. drive-time. The windows went right back down, and the devil horns went straight up.
By that time, I’d decided to do the right thing and go to the station’s website as soon as I got to the office and send them a message about what an incredible breath of fresh air their approach to classic rock was. Who cares if I didn’t love every song — at least they weren’t the same songs. At my desk, I hastily flipped open the laptop, pointed the browser to Classic Rock 94.7, and. . .
. . . was greeted by a horribly-designed landing page announcing the imminent arrival of 94.7 “Fresh” FM. A cheesy video flash player with Jason Mraz, Corinne Bailey-Rae and Gwen Stefani popped up. The format flips with zero fanfare on April 6. It was like finding out you have a terminal illness, then having the doctor call you to say they’d made a mistake, and you’re actually fine, only to call you back later to say that they’d read the wrong charts, and yes you really are gonna die. OK. Maybe not exactly like that. But disappointing, nonetheless.
And that, my precious little ones, is why radio fucking blows diseased fucking goat penis.
I couldn’t agree more. There are already plenty of stations in the area for my teenage daughter to listen to.
The DJs have made this the best week of radio I’ve heard in a loooong time. They’re playing “Children of the Sun” right now ! When was the last time that song was played (aside from this week).
I’ve started a petition to let CBS know what we think at:
http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/classicrock947
Please sign it and spread the word !
I guess it’s back to Pandora and the MP3 player…
Thanks, Scott!
I was pretty psyched this morning, when they played “Cosmik Debris!”
Dude. “Holy Diver?” That’s my second-favorite karaoke cut. Right after “Rainbow in the Dark.”
Also, Rush gets the chicks all hawt up here in my neck of the woods. That’s probably just a product of my proximity to Canada, though.
I’m sorry… [snif] I just love radio. And I fear for it.
Thanks to Scott’s post, I now understand why every radio station in DC has faced effemination, emasculation, and heavy rotation. I listen to country, too, but DC country is all about playing pansy songs and that fruit loop Chesney. At least I have a decent CD collection and can generate more variety and life through my collection then the crap they play on corporate radio.
[...] know I give terrestrial commercial radio a lot of shit, and rightly so. But today, my local JACK station — aka the “soccer mom iPod shuffle” [...]
Here, here.
Spot on about the 1996 T-Com act. We lost independent broadcasters who were satisified cash flowing $500K a year, and are left with corpo-radio’s need to cash flow $5M. As a result, risk taking is frowned upon: play it safe, only play tired hits, and don’t speak your mind. If I were the benevolent emperor of the U.S., no more than one radio station may play anything by the band “Heart”.
FRESH 102.7 SUCKS!!!!
Bring back 102.7 WNEW FM!!!!
I like almost any song on these. Will be matter with myself? Make out the Girl will be best, while. WE even had any particular one on my ipod touch. Intended for, just like, heavy lifting at the gym. Yep, that’s just what it was…
Excellent article… couldn’t have said it better myself. I too found myself rolling down the windows to 94.7 today… it reminded me of the times when I used to enjoy terrestrial radio. You know, CBS did the same thing to the iconic 102.7 WNEW in New York. A week before the station died, they were playing awesome music. Then… they pulled the plug. Now? The station is… you guessed it… Fresh FM!!! Listen to this… CBS’ justification for their horrendous move with 94.7 “Young female listeners are active users of the medium and our current portfolio lacked a dedicated outlet for them to turn to,” — Sam Rogers, senior vp and market manager for CBS Radio Washington, D.C. Umm… Sam… “young female listeners” already have 99.5, 107.3, and 97.1. What, Sam, are you adding to the DC market by creating a FOURTH station that plays the same shit? Shame on you Sam and shame on CBS!