So I was out the other day, driving the super hybrid Futurecar.
I’m still a little incredulous that we even have the thing. The lady and I had it bequeathed to us by some well-meaning elderly relatives who somehow bought it before discovering it has basically zero rear-view capability and a blind spot the size of the moon (add this to their own chronologically-advancing blind spots and you have a recipe for auto-geriatric disaster). All the same, driving it is pretty otherworldly and I’m feeling pretty special until I see this…
…and have the sudden revelation that, holy shit — we don’t want noble, sensible-looking responsible cars, what we want is cars THAT MAKE ALIENS WANT TO FUCK US. Sure, we need to revolutionize our transportation thinking in an eco-friendly manner. But we also need to seize this historical opportunity to make some super “out” shit. We’ve been suffering too long in the automotive equivalent of Mantovani. It’s time for Frank Zappa.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not ungrateful by any means. Hybrids are fine, but style-wise they bring me back to Al Gore in 2000 and Kerry in ’04: I mean… it makes sense and all, but really? This is the best we can do? Then we wised up and hired The Cool Guy. See how that works?
So then, not 10 minutes down the road, I turn the corner and see this:
Aw, hell yeah. Can you dig this? The thing has got THREE WHEELS. And here I am driving on four wheels like a sucker. I mean, look at this beauty. Does it save gas? Probably. Is it affordable? Could be. Does it run on rainbows and puppy snuggles? See, the magic of it is I DON’T EVEN CARE. I just know I want a fucking fleet of them.
So there you go, failing auto industry. Take a lesson from the music industry and get with the future, quick. And not the boring, everyday ho-hum future. I’m talking Jetsons future. You want a two-word strategy for staying relevant? Get weird.