Listen up you stinking maggots, it seems you just don’t get it. Well I’ve been appointed to inform you, your days are numbered. — Clutch, “Animal Farm“
Drill Sergeant Casey here. It’s my duty to whip you liver-lillied liberals into shape so you don’t COMPLETELY waste the enormous amount of political capital you have amassed through eight years of pissin’ and moanin’ about the opposition in your e-leet ivory towers. Now, I understand that some of you have an aversion to battle. Don’t like the sound of clangin’ sabers. Sight of blood an’ veins makes you woozy. Well, tough titty. THIS IS THE FIGHT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. So get in line and step lively, you sniveling excuses for political footsoldiers. What I’m gonna say to you ain’t gonna be easy to swallow, but understand this: it is the ONLY chance you spineless whelps have to avoid irrelevance in the face of the greatest electoral opportunity you will likely ever have the good fortune to exploit.
Remember that book How to Talk to a Liberal? Well, our manual is called How to Crush a Conservative. Let’s crack that sucker open, shall we?
Now, I’m gonna save the intellectual calisthenics for another session, and we won’t be getting into close-quarters combat for some time. By then you should at least have grown some budding cajones, which you’ll need to stare down the Right Wing zombie horde. But that’s all too advanced for you mealy-mouthed pussbags. So today, we’re gonna lay down some basic groundrules for aggressive progressive message control. Watchoo lookin’ at, pencil-dick? Get back in line!