Backstory:
In early 2001, scholar, mystic, bassist, visionary and ex-Contrarian contributor Jebson Interlandi moved into my apartment. He brought with him not only a range of bizarre personal proclivities, but also a treasure trove of weird shit — random cassette and VHS tapes, fitful scribblings and bootlegged Eastern European alcohol.
In 2002, he played me an audiotape of a Berklee School of Music student’s senior recital. Now, I’m something of a connoisseur of bad art, but this thing was truly beyond the pale.
The performance took the form of a Christian-goth-progressive “rock” epic, complete with horribly out-of-tune vocals, as well as keyboard, guitar and bass accompaniment that set a new threshold for ear-obliterating cheese. It was one of those recordings that, upon first listen, you can’t believe is for real. And yet, despite its unrelenting awfulness, we could do little but marvel at the conviction of the players. These pitiable bastards were giving it their all — refinement, meter and tonality be damned!
It never fails to amaze me how some people make a serious study of music, believing in their heart of hearts that it is their destiny to share their gifts while being bereft of anything conventionally recognizable as talent. As an actual musician, with you, know, skills and aesthetic sense, I have spent a goodly amount of time puzzling over such specimens. How can they be so clueless? What actually happens in their brains when they hear music? Why do “prestigious” Universities like Berklee accept and graduate so many of these hacks? (Certainly profit has something to do with it, but still.)
As a professional critic, I’ve encountered scads of so-called musicians who truly BELIEVE that they have what it takes to rally the world through song. In fact, I actually began to wonder if there isn’t a clinically diagnosable mental illness or developmental disability that drives some people to think they have talent where clearly they have none. What bothers me even more are the academic institutions that profit on these delusions. Now, I’m all for the democratization of technology that lets amateurs dabble with their “creativity” — Garage Band is great, just don’t force me to listen to your stuff. But when accredited colleges and universities charge these people gobs of money to perpetuate heinous personal misapprehensions, I can’t help but clench my fists.
I understand that this phenomenon is not limited to music — as a writer and editor, I’ve been bombarded by fresh-faced journalism and English majors with shiny degrees and no comprehension of how to string together a proper sentence. Though horrifying from a professional standpoint, it actually makes me feel better about the fact that I went to music school at 16, quit after a couple of years and never again pursued institutional learning. Three cheers for autodidactic savants!
But back to the original story. Over the next few years, Jebson and our handful of mutual acquaintances would pull out this audiotape and revel in its awfulness. The song itself began to permeate other parts of our lives. We’d be at a job interview or a nice restaurant or in the middle of hormonal intimacy when the tune would pop in our heads with a vengeance. After a bit too much drink, we’d find ourselves spontaneously singing its a capella section “in the round.” Through good times and bad, this marvel of musical egregiousness never failed to put a spring in my step and a smile on my face, and I’m grateful to this day that Jebson played it for me.
Fast forward almost a decade. I never made a copy of the audiotape, and figured that it was lost to the ages. Mostly, I was content with my memories. The melody would flit across the mindscreen from time to time, but I had no way of sharing its brilliant awfulness with new people in my orbit. Such is life, right?
Well, yesterday, Jebson e-mailed me a VIDEO of this performance, taped at Berklee in 2002. Now, I’m pretty sure that I’ve built this up to a degree that it can’t possibly live up to your expectations. Or can it? The creator’s MySpace page will prime the pump for what you’re about to witness. The “band” is called Christian Counterpart, and they’re here to deliver the goods. Or at least they were in 2007:
All you need is one great rock show to change the universe. That’s what we gave in 2002 in Berklee Recital Room 1W and as you predicted, we single handedly changed the face of LDS rock.
We are the face of Berklee alumni, coming at you from every different angle to rock you and move you and shake you LDS style.
We are Christian Counterpart and as you are reading this, we are recording our as yet unnamed album due out very soon.
We will continue to change the world. Be witness to the amazing rise of one of the most influential bands of 2007 — Christian Counterpart.
Dig that.
Now, for the video. Unfortunately I can’t embed it, so you’ll have to click the link. It’s a little slow to get rolling — plugging in cables, general fidgeting, etc. — but once it does, I guarantee you’ll be floored (please, please watch the whole thing):
Christian Counterpart Live at Berklee College of Music, 2002
Keep in mind that these people were graduated from Berklee — outside of the conservatories, one of the most esteemed music schools in North America. WTF, right? Oh, and check this “documentary” interview with one of the gals in the band.
I can only hope that Christian Counterpart comes back strong in ’09. A group like this represents the apex of flawed art. And this aural abomination is to be treasured and passed through the generations like a precious heirloom.
End Transmission.
[UPDATE: Holy crap — I didn't realize this at the time, but the second song on this video is obviously about Ayn Rand's Anthem. UNREAL. See what horror this woman hath wrought?]
[...] The Joy of Terrible Music | The Contrarian "It never fails to amaze me how some people make a serious study of music, believing in their heart of hearts that it is their destiny to share their gifts while being bereft of anything conventionally recognizable as talent. As an actual musician, with you, know, skills and aesthetic sense, I have spent a goodly amount of time puzzling over such specimens." (tags: music fiasco paradox) Share and Enjoy: [...]
Oh, crap! Catchy in the most horrible way possible. Now its stuck in my head with Bannana phone.
There is a need for terrible art. Sometimes the terrible is far more pure and true than some of the overly produced and marketed music out there. There is a reason why everyone I know owns either Plan 9 from Outer Space and/or Xanadu.
I have played the video for “Chocolate Rain” on YouTube more than any song from “Purple Rain” for that very reason.
However, I remember when my band played Boston, it seemed that if members of the band who played with us graduated or attended Berklee, it was almost a guarantee that they would either A) suck, or B) really suck.
Wow. He sings and dances like he’s in a showtune. It sounds like 1990s video game music. If the first song were 8-bit, it would be from “all your base are belong to us.” At 6:27 when there’s a piano “solo” and he’s got his arms in the air like Bono, there is an audible snort from the cameraman. The power of Christ compels me to wonder what grade they got ..
oh my .. did you see the bass player tell-all video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mOCh7umdNE
He also has youtube episodes called liberal mormon musings, even his ever-present teddy bear doesn’t seem to be impressed… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DXJB-HcFaA&feature=channel_page
This truly was a crime against humanity. I could only watch a few seconds.
Thanks for reveling in this awfulness, everyone!
Wow. This definitely merits alerting Irwin Chusid, champion of “incorrect music”.
A couple thoughts: I think the fascinating part about this is the absolute 100% conviction which, as horrific as the artistic vision, one is compelled to respect. It causes this terrible internal conflict: as much as this guy sucks, can I really say that I’ve approached anything I’ve done with that degree of devotion and emotional commitment? It reminds me of that line in Yeats’ The Second Coming, “The best lack all ambition and the worst are full of passionate intensity”.
Also a note about Berklee, as I’m actually going to school there now: as much as once I saw it as a monolith of jazz wank, it’s actually much more diverse than one would think. It just gets an unfortunate name from its worst representatives. It’s funny how many great musicians I know who went there who actually take pains to hide their Berklee pedigree. I’ll mention something about it and they’ll mumble something about how they went there.
But as much as it attracts the prodigies (and gets credit for them), it’s definitely got its share of people who, while able to pass tests, simply can’t be taught. I played in a particularly depressing ensemble my first semester with a girl about to graduate — a voice major — who couldn’t sing, much less remember a coherent harmony part. It reminds me of the current New Yorker article about trying to fire NYC teachers and how hard it is to define/legislate actually being good at something.
Excellent points, Neil — and all true from my personal experience/observations. FYI, I did submit this to “This American Life.” If you wanna take it to Chusid, be my guest!
Thanks for introducing me this umm… thing. I’d say the guy is a self-appointed talent and a fanatic, sprinkled with quite a dosage of delusion. Knowing he defines himself as Manson’s Christian counterpart… well, at least I don’t have to look for words.
It is a big problem with higher education that people who should not be, are admitted to attend these schools and they even graduate. When I graduated, only a few people actually pursuited the profession we were entitled to by our degree. It was good, because I wouldn’t have given a degree to those fellow-students of mine. Seriously. In every job you need a certain talent to carry it out as good as possible. So why are bunglers allowed to do it?
There lies a responsibility in the teachers/institutions who don’t care about what is going on there and in the whole education system. I don’t believe in shutting up about everything and say we can’t do shit because of the government, the directive, the money. Teachers are hardly ever called on what they have done, let it be giving bad marks out of personal preference, or feeding a student’s conceitedness/delusion with bullshit. It is a responsibility for people’s lives and teachers have a huge influence on the students’ future, but most of them don’t care.
Now, I’m going to stop because I’m getting too much into it. Hahaha.
Loved the article. Thanks, Casey.