The Contrarian

An open letter to that creepy guy who came in asking us to let him use the library while we are closed for “online business” purposes:

Dear Creepy Guy Who Came in Asking Us to Let Him Use the Library While We Were Are Closed for “Online Business” Purposes,

So, you would like to use our library, on your own computer, for business purposes while we are closed? Hm. You know we are open 30 hours a week? Oh, but that isn’t enough for your business is it? I guess you run Amazon? Or the CIA? No? But you won’t say what you do? That’s not creepy, no.

Oh, you say you won’t steal anything? That’s reassuring, ’cause most people who do tell us in advance. “Hi, I’d like to check out these DVDs. My name is Dirty Thief and I won’t be bringing them back.” You wonder if your computer will be safe when you leave it overnight? How ’bout we insure it for you? Libraries have lots of money to cover your goods that you choose to leave here.

So you want the space for what, an afternoon? A weekend? No? Oh, six months, maybe seven. I see. Every day we aren’t here? Sure, I’m comfortable with that.

Oh wait. That IS creepy. We DON’T have money to insure your shit. And I’m NOT comfortable with any of this.

Sincerely,

The Sketched Out Librarian

Here’s me reacting to the gentleman’s request:

(Note: this is not me.)

(Second note: I realize that in real letters you don’t usually get answers to your questions, but please ignore that. I’m WAY overdue for a post, and this is what I had, alright?)