The Strangled Trembler
This breed suffers from a congenital constriction of the gullet, which explains its constant note of heart-rending tragedy regardless of season or expression.
The Yelping Trembler
Also known as the “Passionate Canadian”, their cry can be heard for miles, like an air raid siren with Parkinson’s.
The Mushmouthed Crooner
Legend tells us that trapped within this species is the soul of a poet cursed by an evil wizard who grew exasperated because he found the poet’s verses so annoying. Thus this one is doomed to forever mope about the trees, wailing like a wino in a drunk tank. However, some mesmerized specialists swear that if you listen closely it seems they’re trying to pronounce actual words.
The Whispering Croaker
This husky-voiced bird with its carefully rumpled feathers is somehow the sweetheart of ornithologists the world around, though it warbles naught but a bewitching nonsense.
The Trembling Croaker
Pray, what is that on the wind? Why, it’s the ghost of Nina Simone with B.O.
The Bleating Yodler
This species makes its home in the Appalachians, where for generations its crooked, sour melodies have haunted the mountain hollers. It’s also the focus of an old backwoods tradition in which, once a year, grandmothers and young children alike wake at the crack of dawn to see if they can chase one down and beat it to death with a stick, thus bringing a year of good luck.