Welcome to a very special edition of Dispatches From the Stacks. What’s so special, you ask? Well, I won’t be writing for a couple weeks. So what, you say, it’s not like you post every week like you’re supposed to. Fair enough, I say, but this time I have a valid excuse.
You see, dear patrons, I am headed to the islands for a week and a half. In about two days, the above picture will be me (note: not actually, my rack isn’t that impressive).
Before I go, here’s a bit of news from the librariverse:
First, and saddest, some lowlife scumfuck stole my library’s DVD player. Seriously, Swine, you’re going to steal a five-year-old DVD player from a non-profit organization? Did I mention you’re swine, Scumfuck? Ok then.
In better news, we recently applied for a grant from a foundation set up by a famous local author and his wife, and we got good news today. This will allow us to make some much needed repairs to our building. The foundation is known for generously assisting libraries throughout the state, and we sure do appreciate it…
So librarians are pretty smart, right? And we know how to locate information, yes? Not according to today’s email. There were three questions posted to the listserv that are appropriate to ask a librarian, but coming from a librarian? Sad. Observe:
1. How do I find out when the next book by (insert bestselling author here) comes out? Seriously? Have you thought about looking on the author’s website?
2. How can I find out how much (insert animal here) eats? The posted answer came from Wikipedia. Take that as you will.
3. What are some good (name your genre) books and authors? Hey, you know I might have ten seconds free later this afternoon, and I think I’ll spend it doing your job for you! Oh wait, no. Try searching Google for “good (genre) books.” Wow, that was tough, I better rest a minute.
The real lesson learned from my reaction to these messages, though, is that I need a vacation. Some of us work very hard, you see, to come up with the answers you need in a timely manner. So anyway, I’m off to the islands. This is me in two days:
(Note: that’s not me. My rack isn’t that impressive either.)