The year is 2015. Stylish New Yorkers have been forced to switch from Valentino and Dolce and Gabbana to shapeless abayas and face veils. Playgrounds have been gender-segregated, and the little girls don’t seem to be having much fun, forced as they are into miniature versions of what their moms and nannies are wearing. Bars and nightclubs have been converted into venues for the stoning of adulterous women.
Why? Because Sharia law has been enforced in the tri-state area. And it all began when liberals allowed a mosque to be built on ground zero…
Can you picture this devastating future coming to pass? I can’t, but it’s still a fun exercise to imagine what goes on in the minds of paranoid conservatives. (As if there was any other kind.)
As faithful Contrarian readers are surely aware, the “Ground Zero Mosque” is not, in fact, being built on Ground Zero, but rather the sanctified grounds of a Burlington Coat Factory. Henceforth in this post, I will not be using the term “Ground Zero Mosque,” which discerning intellects recognize as a convenient media fiction.
Among those opposed to the mosque, naturally, is Sarah Palin, whom Bill Maher aptly dubbed “the queen of faux outrage,” and who has referred to the area around the collapsed towers as “hallowed ground.” Were she able to see Manhattan from her house as easily as she can Russia, Palin would know that a strip club is also on this “hallowed ground.”
Several of the strippers Andrew Grossman interviews for “For Strippers Near Ground Zero, It’s Business as Usual Amid Mosque Uproar” have an enlightened attitude that, frankly, some of the foaming-at-the-mouth opponents would do well to emulate. As Cassandra puts it, “I don’t know what the big deal is… it’s freedom of religion, you know?”
Her colleague Chris, despite losing eight friends on 9/11 (all firefighters) and volunteering for the Red Cross, comments, “They’re not building a mosque in the World Trade Center… it’s all good. You have your synagogues and your churches. And you have a mosque.”
Beneath their pasties beat hearts of gold. And at least a passing understanding of the Constitution.