Autozombiography: an autobiography published posthumously per the author’s instructions, which causes a cultural resurrection of its subject. Mark Twain’s autozombiography is forthcoming.
Bangst: the sensation of losing one’s identity upon encountering someone with a haircut similar to one’s own. Bangst reaches epidemic levels at rock shows in Brooklyn.
Dreambag: a gorgeous but douchey person whose douchiness is initially obscured by beauty but gradually becomes undeniable.
Dylan’s Law: when a musician’s fans are so rabidly reverent, they actually drain talent from the musician. Had Bob himself not been subject to Dylan’s Law, this would not have happened.
Fauxsure: when exes get together under the pretense of “closure,” but only succeed in prolonging inappropriate and hurtful attachments.
iFugue: dissociative state induced by listening to music through headphones for extended periods, wherein one’s own actions — and indeed, the universe — seem controlled by the music.
Prestalgia: premature wistfulness for something that has not ended yet but perhaps should have, coupled with the strong desire that it would end already, so that proper nostalgia can commence. R.E.M. and “The Simpsons” widely inspire prestalgia.
Slaydar: the innate ability of former metalheads to detect the presence of other former metalheads. See also: Treydar.
Smartyr: a fairly (but not extraordinarily) intelligent jerk who imagines their intellectual superiority is the reason nobody likes them. [Editor’s Note: I think I have this syndrome.]
Speakeasily: what an ordinary drinking establishment becomes when militant grammarians dominate the conversation with discussions of grammar peeves.
Treydar: the ability to sense the presence of jam-rock aficionados. Unlike Slaydar, Treydar is not innate; it is developed at four-year universities in New England.
Vagenius: one who is especially knowledgeable about and skilled in lady-pleasing. Those who believe they are probably are not.