Fresh on the heels of the defeat of Proposition 19, California’s latest attempt to legalize and regulate marijuana — which advocates posit would have raised billions for the debt-weary state — officials in Sacramento have a new strategy: Kickstarter.com.
Following in the footsteps of indie musicians who can no longer depend on major-label dollars to bankroll their recording costs, the State of California has opted to work with the cutting-edge fundraising website in hopes of lifting itself out of bankruptcy.
“California has always been the capital of the creative arts so, inspired by our artistic community, we have decided to become a fan-funded state,” said Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for people all over the world who are fans of California to chip in and save the state they love… everyone from graduate students in New England writing their doctoral thesis on Perez Hilton, to the middle-aged men in the UK who make up a staggering 90 percent of the world’s die-hard Neil Young fans, to homosexuals all over the Islamic world who dream of someday moving to San Francisco’s Castro district.”
“We all want California to be here for future generations to enjoy,” said the Governor, loudly dropping a barbell to make his point. “Even our enemies in fundamentalist sects from Alabama to Indonesia depend on us as a living example of Sodom & Gomorrah to point to and condemn, even as they secretly envy us.”
To publicize the launch of the campaign, officials in Sacramento have self-produced their own DIY video using nothing but an iPhone 4, a ukulele and some crude animation hand-drawn on State of California letterhead. “TAXES ARE SOOO 20TH-CENTURY!!” says an emblematic cartoon bear, doing a kickflip off his familiar place on the state flag, “It’s time to jam this shit econo.” The video goes on to colorfully enumerate a number of rad improvements the state has planned, like “paying state employee pensions, bee-yotch!!! LOL!!”
So far the video has 7 views on YouTube, and no official word has been released yet on the financial gains of the new campaign. Rumors are already flying however, that should the Kickstarter plan fail, there are plans in place to initiate rolling blackouts of all surf gear, awards shows, dry red wines and Lindsay Lohan nipslips to make way for worldwide pledge drives.