Rename next Wednesday “Wowsday” and really make a point of kicking out the jams.
Cars should be rubber.
Is there a way to use the word “branding” that will not bring the apocalypse closer? Investigate.
Something called a “beer slide” could be amazing.
Convincing well-intentioned college girls to have unprotected, no-strings sex because it would supposedly help end the war in Vietnam is such a fiendishly opportunistic boondoggle it sounds like it was dreamed up by the Rand Corporation.
Something with lasers.
If all creationists were exterminated, would nature evolve them back into the population? File under “thought experiment,” mark for further study.
Come up with reason to have press conference.
Resolve to hug 100 Muslims every July 4th.
Come up with next year’s “something is the new other thing,” apply for patent for the first thing.
Run for office. Run from office. Create yearly 5k fun run based on either idea (charity optional). (Side note to self: schedule regular exercise regimen.)
Experiment where I carry a guitar around my neck 24/7 like those burnouts on the beach, try it for a week, see if it results in better or worse songs.
Another cup of coffee would be a great idea. Rewards! Always a great motivator. (Good job, me.)
Something with injection molding? Possibly synergize with laser idea.*
Gentlemen’s club, but require patrons to dress like real late-19th century gentlemen. Monocle, cape or spats: must have at least one.
Take muffin flavors outside the box with new “art muffin” shop that features grass ‘n’ gravel muffins, double-chocolate nickel muffins (with real nickels). Flagship product could be Alarm Clock muffin with fully functioning alarm clock baked inside.
Brainstorm ways to popularize my phrase “They’re going to the zoo at two, and all their friends will go there too,” as a way to teach correct spelling of they’re/their/there and too/two/to. Incorporate some more commonly misspelled words, extend into a poem/song/musical about spelling.
There are people outside my house with guns who want to kill me.
*note: injection-molded laser-based security system