I’m a busy guy, and my job requires me to think about some big hairy subjects (like how copyright might coexist with the giant photocopier that is the internet). Subsequently, my intellectual output in other areas is limited. But that doesn’t stop me from having ideas. The genius switch is permanently fixed in the ON position.
Here are a handful of mind grapes I’d love mash into brain wine if I only had the time.
Dichotomies of Evil: The Cosmology of Ronnie James Dio
This would be an academic overview of the mythological/metaphorical writings of the late metal vocalist Ronnie James Dio, whose peculiar — and often self-contradictory — prose is fertile ground for interpretation and analysis. “We’re a ship without a storm / The cold without the warm / Light inside the darkness that it needs, yeah.” Step aside, Chaucer, there’s a new bard in town.
“Pulling Out: A Comparative Study of Post-Occupation Statescraft and Coitus Interruptus”
Just gathering the data.
A Bronzepunk Manifesto
This book will make the case for reviving the aesthetics of the ideogramic era, from Sumer to Anatolia. You can’t think outside the box until you INVENT BOXES.
“Comedy as Foreign Policy Wedge in the Post-Yakov Smirnoff Era”
“High Functioning Autism in the Realm of the Non-Arithmetic”
Not everyone on the autism spectrum is good at math. This essay, suitable for publication in any number of medical or psychology journals, will examine the origins of the misperception while describing a broader range of facilities and deficits experienced by those with this neuroatypicality.
Libertarianism is a Social Disease
A short tract on the virulent spread of this political “philosophy,” with practical examples on how to protect against infection and limit its spread.
“Aaron Sorkin is a Pox on Humankind”
Do I really need to write this?
“Privacy: Irrelevant or Utterly Irrelevant?”
This article will examine all the reasons why efforts to curtail data-mining technologies are doomed. Whether you’re a repressive government keeping tabs on your public’s every move, or a megacorp hellbent on increasing shareholder returns, there is little incentive to cling to archaic notions of privacy. Sure, some policymakers will try. And they will fail.
The Cases of “Night Court”
A compendium of the most significant rulings by Judge Harold T. “Harry” Stone, with historic and contemporary legal analysis.
Not Fat, Just Just Big-Souled: A Foodie’s Guide to Megachurch Eateries
From Starbucks to Applebee’s, faith is big business for chain restaurateurs. This is the first comprehensive guide to getting the most out of your megachurch dining experience. Physical edition comes with coupons and a temporary tattoo of Jesus riding a dinosaur.