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Tiger Woods Apologizes For Awesome Life; Announces Plans To Begin Private, Insanely Wealthy Retirement

Posted by Neil Cleary on Fri, Feb 19, 2010

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Tiger Woods, in a hushed press conference today at a crazy posh Florida resort, shamefacedly apologized for his life as both the greatest golfer who ever lived and legendary Dionysian sex god. Woods, who has been silent under the shadow of revelations about his totally epic carnal exploits, today expressed remorse for being amazingly successful [...]

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Bill Hicks on Jay Leno

Posted by Neil Cleary on Fri, Jan 15, 2010

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Sometimes I wish Bill Hicks were still around to cut through the bullshit like a holy chainsaw. Recently though, this gem has been circulating, giving me the feeling Bill’s looking down on us — wait, fuck that — up at us, and laughing. Probably smoking too…:

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Neil’s News Corner

Posted by Neil Cleary on Thu, Jan 14, 2010

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As I read the headlines these days, more and more my mind is plagued with one question: what do naked people think? Who will tell their story? Is there a hairy, droopy, butt-stanky man waiting in the wings who could provide some insight on this issue? Are there perhaps other people in these same wings [...]

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Rare Birds Of The Rock World

Posted by Neil Cleary on Tue, Jan 12, 2010

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The Strangled Trembler This breed suffers from a congenital constriction of the gullet, which explains its constant note of heart-rending tragedy regardless of season or expression. ——————— The Yelping Trembler Also known as the “Passionate Canadian”, their cry can be heard for miles, like an air raid siren with Parkinson’s. ——————— The Mushmouthed Crooner Legend tells us that trapped within this species [...]

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Three Things

Posted by Neil Cleary on Mon, Jan 11, 2010

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1. Observe And Report. Perhaps its proximity to Paul Blart: Mall Cop tagged it with the stank of lo-calorie laffs and Wal-Mart level quality. Or perhaps it was the ad campaign which pitched it as the kind of wild, madcap romp that makes me want to eat glass. Either way, I’ll admit: I prejudged it [...]

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