Regular readers will be familiar with Canadian futurist and ethicist George Dvorsky, whose excellent site Sentient Developments explores topics related to science, technology, human performance and the moral imperative to expand rights of personhood to certain non-human animals. We’ve linked to SD dozens of times over the years, and George was even good enough to let us do some guest blogging back before we got too busy to populate our own damn site.

George is also the Chairman of the Board at the Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies as well as the program director for the Rights of Non-Human Persons Program.

We’re happy to count George among our personal friends, which makes it that much more fun to tell you about his podcast, which we listened to all the time back in the day. Besides the cool discussions, we were always really impressed with George’s choices in music for the program. (Dude’s got some big ears!) Now the podcast is back in full force, and we encourage you to check it out. The official feed is here; you can get it through iTunes right here.

Another pal, Michael Nordstrom (aka Nerdstrom, aka Mondhexe, aka fifty other things), has taken his obsession with über-legendary kaiju character Garamon to an absurd and fairly fucking awesome new level. Already the proprietor of fan site Garamania, Nerdstrom is now attempting to become Garamon.

We’re not kidding.

Check out the Kickstarter page for The Becoming of Garamike project, through which Nerdstrom is attempting to raise a mere $2,200 to get a couple of pro sculptors and makeup artists to help him, erm, make the transition. Here’s the official description:

Yes, at last… no longer content to merely document and celebrate the world’s favorite clunky, crusty, fish-lipped, oil-belching, high-rise-wrecking meteorite monster… I, Michael Nordstrom (Nerdstrom), Proprietor of Garamania, being of warped mind and highly costume-tolerant body… have decided to becomeGaramon (actually, Garamike).  Working with ultra-talented professional sculptors/make-up artists Michael Ridge and Michael Turner and a whole lot of alginate, foam and silicone, I will be alchemically transformed into a being as outwardly Garamonic as I could ever hope to be. Our design honors the original suit while adding some cutting-edge components (including the face, which will be a form-fitting silicone masterwork of Gara-expressiveness).  Our goal is to complete work on at least the initial phase (head, hands, feet and tail) by the opening night of GARAMANIACAL, the all-Garamon, all-Pygmon art show I am curating for FOE Gallery in Northampton, Massachusetts (the current image for this project is a section of an incredible painting by Jason Edmiston, which will be on display at the show).  On opening weekend, my hope is to be a Gara-transformed barker and ballyhoo-er, stomping the snowy streets of Northampton to connect the public at large to the show, turning them on to works of Garamonstrous art that they didn’t even realize they needed in their lives (but they do… they definitely do).  The funds you contribute will help us meet this goal, as well as further us on the road to completing a full suit in the foreseeable future.

Backers should know that this will not be a short-term transformation.  Once granted the powers of Gara-becoming by Ridge and Turner, I will be able to become my Gara-self at any time, night or day… I plan to fully inhabit this suit, mustering all of my performance experience to truly bring it to life as a Gara-character unto itself.  Just as Jandek was Ready For The House, I am Ready For The Suit. I have a slew of mindbenderly projects in mind for my Gara-persona… YOU, the audience, will:

THRILL! at the sight of Garamike hosting a delightfully art-damaged musical variety show, to be produced for local cable access (also to be broadcast online);

GASP! while watching Garamike deliver gripping, novel musical performance art happenings to delight and inspire legions of like-monstrous folk (again, to be captured on video for cable and online broadcast);

GUFFAW! at frequent photoplay amusements featuring Garamike, to be posted to Garamania… and much, much more!

This may sound strange, but is it really any weirder than, say, Dolly Parton’s face in that thar new singin’ contest movie?

Best to both of our buds in their quest for excellence!

I’ve censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet — legislation that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit: http://americancensorship.org/posts/15233/uncensor

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Backstory:

[Wikipedia]: In 1989, sixties pop group The Turtles sued hip-hop band De La Soul for using a sample from their 1969 hit “You Showed Me” for the interlude track “Transmitting Live from Mars,” despite the fact that The Turtles did not actually write the original song.

Last week, the Library of Congress selected De La Soul’s 3 Feet High and Rising for the National Recording Registry. This is only the second hip-hop album to receive this status, after Public Enemy’s Fear of a Black Planet, which was added in 2004.

Both records would be impossible to release today, due to current copyright law and the environment for licensing samples, which is both expensive and unwieldy.

The following is a faux-letter to the Library of Congress from the Turtles, protesting the addition of De La Soul to the National Recording Registry. It was written by my policy intern Adam Holofcener. We believe that the following bit of satire is covered under a clear parody exception.

————–

To: Library of Congress
From: The Turtles^[1
Re: More like “Piracy-brary” of Congress
Date: 4/20/11

Dear Library,

We, the Turtles, were extremely disappointed with your decision to name De La Soul’s morally bankrupt recording, Three Feet High and Rising, to the 2010 registry of the National Recording Preservation Board of the Library of Congress. This is not an exercise in envy, um, lest you, Library, tactfully forget our magnanimous barrage of decorative hand soaps to your personal residencies.^[2] But, back to the matter at hand, The American Criminal Law! Or, is it Copyright?^[3] Whatever the case, our American courts have determined^[4] that De La Soul fiendishly appropriated our wits and bravado without due cause or compensation. Plagiarism! Barbarism! Patriotism! We are well aware that the Library has rational faculties at their beck and call; however, we would prefer that they use such faculties in a way that does not promote rampant intellectual theft.^[5]

We, or shall I say “I,”^[6] would like to remind the Library that we obtained a pretty nice out-of-court settlement from Messrs. De, La and Soul which, in a certain way of looking at it, bound us to them and their nefarious work in perpetuity.^[7] Thus, we propose a new out of-court-settlement to accompany our last one.^[8] If De Law® Soul is in the registry, then we would also like to be inducted. We aren’t terribly sure how the registry is organized (perhaps by alphabetical order?), but, whatever the case, we would like to be inserted directly in front of De La’s entry.^[9] The symbiotic nature of our two works has gotten very “Frodo and the Ring”-ish in our book. Some have said that characterizing the works this way is a unique reading of the situation that literally no one else has bothered to notice.^[10] Well, fiddlesticks. The Turtles and De La Soul go together like fried haddock and mushy peas.^[11] I could really go for some mushy peas; perhaps, even, some fiddlesticks. You have gotten me off track!^[12]

….

In conclusion, Library, it would be our honor to invite you to a band showcase that we are having at “The Whiskey A Go Go” this evening.  I told the promoter that we could bring at least 37 people and he seemed impressed. We hope you take our considerations to heart when contemplating new additions to your registry.^[13] Again, great work on the Songs of the Humpback Whales pull!

To us being “Happy Together,”

The Turtle(s)

^[2] Are hand soaps not “in” anymore?

^[3] Our lawyers are unclear, as well.

^[4] Well, maybe not “officially” determined, but their large, looming shadow really pushed our cause into the litigious end-zone, so to speak.

^[5] A job well done on choosing Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man,” for this year’s registry.

^[6] [Ed's. Note: At this point, it seems clear that all but vocalist Howard Kaylan has relocated to the local watering hole in the less prosperous section of the Hollywood Hills.]

^[7] In the settlement, we tried to stipulate that the group change its name to “De Law Soul,” as a constant reminder of the infrastructure surrounding their future creative endeavors, but we, sadly, lacked the clout.

^[8] Our lawyer has repeatedly asked us to ignore the law, and all allusions to it, in responses to this inquiry.

^[9] Please send us the official Dewey decimal demarcation of our LP’s placement.

^[10] A fan commented that it was similar to baseball teams that think they are engaged in an explicit rivalry with the New York Yankees even though they are not the Boston Red Sox.

^[11] [Ed's. Note: Kaylan has gradually affected an East London accent (“Top of the Pops” reruns have been on throughout the making of this transcription). There is probably a correlation between this possibly unconscious behavior and the ingestion of his fifth Pimms Cup.]

^[12] [ . . . Eds. Note]

^[13] Have you thought of doing this more than once a year?  I am in a business class at the Santa Monica Community College and the Professor has stressed that limiting yourself to such few engagements does not, in fact, “up the rarity factor.”

I want to point you in the direction of an article at Metalsucks, “Being in a Band is for Losers [Scientific Proof].” It’s not only where I stole the image for this post, it’s also a amusing/terrifying indictment of a life in music.

I’m not gonna contradict anything in the piece, because it’s pretty dead-on in terms of the diminishing returns one experiences from “being in a band.” There’s also this less sarcastic — but still not exactly scientific — Hypebot post, “7 Ways Most Non-Famous Musicians Make a Living.”

I’ve been playing music, recording music and writing about music most of my life. And, I’m happy to say that for better than half of that time, it’s been how I’ve paid the bills. I still do all of those things, but I’ve augmented them by working in music and arts policy, which also finds me speaking in public and in the media about the structural issues around how creators make a living.

Obviously, I consider this stuff on a personal level, too. Many of my friends are musicians, and I know intimately their struggles and victories. While some still perform live (I’ve mostly retired), others do studio work, compose for film and TV or find other gigs — related and unrelated — to get by. This can be everything from nannying to bookkeeping to on-set work for the aforementioned film and TV productions. (It’s amusing to me that a few of these friends might think I’m talking exclusively about them, when in reality this applies to several folks.)

One of my friends recently filled me in on the unfortunate breakup of his last band on the verge of major success. That was a decade ago, but these wounds can take a while to heal. I understand this story all too well, having experienced my own version of it.

Still, we don’t stop. Well, some of us do, and that’s OK, too. Those of us who continue to pursue a life in music do so not because we’re chasing old glories, but because we still believe we can add value to the world. Whether it’s creating art, inspiring others to create it, or blabbing endlessly about the most appropriate conditions in which to do so, we are active participants in the overall experience. Whatever that ultimately means.

Is a life in music worth living? I say absolutely. There are times where I ponder what might have happened had I focused my intellect on more lucrative activities, but I have few regrets. Besides, in what other life would I have the opportunity to hang out with my heroes from the golden age of rock ‘n’ roll and even lead them in conversation? Plus I can give something back by helping to get some great new music into the world.

Sure beats working for a living.

Baby sees the future, tells me it’s got nothing for us… Nostra… Nostradamus — sung to the tune of Lady GaGa’s “Paparazzi.”

Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, aka Lady GaGa, hasn’t been in the public eye for very long, but given the hype, you could be excused for thinking that it’s been just shy of forever. Credit where due: it’s no small feat to direct the attention of today’s attention-deficient masses and sustain it for more than the length of a tweet. Yet it seems the grains in GaGa’s hourglass have finally begun falling, and we all know what that means: time is fleeting for the new Queen of Pop.

I’m not so bold as to call GaGa’s back-to-back appearances on “60 Minutes” and the Grammys a shark-jump, but it may be where her fame clock officially began ticking. For someone who claims dominion over the apparatus of fame itself, both events made a conspicuously feeble impression. Not among her fans — those already under her spell remain so. But if you are not a GaGa devotee (I believe she calls them “monsters”), you likely regarded Ms. Germanotta’s Old Media blitz as the definition of meh. Not even worth being annoyed/disturbed/fascinated/repelled by.

Probably not even worth a blog post.

In fact, the reason that I’m even bothering with this exercise is because I have an obsession with epoch-setting calendar events, however minor. So, I’m calling this one for the record: February 13, 2011 marks the official beginning of GaGa’s decline.

Since we’re here, let’s examine why. Admittedly, nobody under the age of 35 watches “60 Minutes,” so GaGa’s aimless interview with Anderson Cooper will have had a negligible impact on her core demographic. Actually, I’m willing to bet the venerable program was the true beneficiary, as GaGa’s most obsessive fans temporarily bolstered the number of viewers who tune in to witness Andy Rooney‘s burgeoning dementia. (Forgive me, Morley Safer, for I have sinned…)

On “60 Minutes,” GaGa came across like a distracted grad school gal sweating her final thesis. With regards to her peacockery and calculated weirdness, I believe this Lady doth protest too much. GaGa did everything she could to impress upon Cooper that she fully understands each symbol that informs her meticulously crafted persona. This is the wrong move for someone who trades in the techno-cryptic. We don’t need you to tell us that you know why we’re enraptured. It kind of ruins it.

GaGa keeps explaining that she’s a “student of fame.” Nice work if you can get it, but forgive those of us who have witnessed several historic superstar permutations for expecting a little more. It’s not that GaGa is drawing incorrect conclusions from her studies. It’s just that, unlike true alchemists of adoration, she adds no new ingredients to the stew. Everything GaGa does, says, or reflects is a pale reflection of her forbears’ more innovative expression.

Surely it is difficult to be original in a fractured culture saturated with corporate and brand symbols. But to be regarded as an artist of lasting stature, one at least has to try. GaGa’s schtick can be boiled down to Madonna and David Bowie, with a dash of Freddie Mercury and Elton John. Maybe some Cher, with her penchant for pantslessness and warbly singing. If only pastiche were a substitute for genius!

Back in Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust phase, he tapped into a similar longing for acceptance that animates GaGa’s fans. Bowie took the idea of alienation and turned it into an Alien Nation — a clan of disaffected youth who reveled in their estrangement by exaggerating it through gaudy makeup and “tacky things.” What Bowie did was hardly subtle, but at least he had the good sense not to fucking tell us what he was doing. He respected his audience more than that. In fact, he respected his audience so much that he dragged a portion of them kicking and screaming through his metamorphosis into the Thin White Duke. But that’s a tale for another time.

What’s GaGa’s next act? Does she even have one? Judging from her musical output, probably not.

Speaking of her music, it’s hardly worth mentioning at this point that her new single, “Born this Way” is a melodic and rhythmic clone of Madonna’s “Express Yourself.” Not that The Material Girl seems to care. The aging succubus will surely find a way to suck some extra lifeforce out of her sycophantic understudy.

GaGa’s performance at the 2011 Grammys was, despite the requisite costumery and dancers, surprisingly bereft of spectacle. My favorite part was the beginning, when she hatched out of some kind of space egg, a la Mork from Ork or Spinal Tap in “Rock ‘n’ Roll Creation.”

Seriously:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbi5Zegp55o

And here’s Lady GaGa:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Jxm_NMwEdo

Many of us who can afford to eat more than once a day are any combination of bored, distracted or overwhelmed. We require escapism, and for some, GaGa delivers. Better still, she does so in a way that champions a vague sense of self-empowerment (Madonna) and commiseration with fellow outcasts (Bowie). But can that sustain a career? On some essential level, Madonna possesses the raw material of which lasting art is made (I can’t believe I just said that). Bowie, for his part, is an ace showman/manipulator. He’s also a fabulous musician who had to grow into that role. Yes, Bowie, too, struggled to transcend his influences — Velvet Underground, Dylan, Bolan, Iggy. But he eventually did so, and triumphantly.

Can GaGa do the same? Clock’s ticking.

Many renderings of iconic LPs here, all done using MS Paint. Some are quite remarkable, some ridiculous. More info, from Marc Fischer‘s Flickr page:

The drawings in this collection were primarily made by various users in discussion forums on the websites www.foreverdoomed.com and www.stonerrock.com. Using MS Paint, and other rudimentary computer drawing programs, users attempted to recreate their favorite album covers and sometimes let others on the forum guess the band and title from the artwork. Given that the websites are largely devoted to underground heavy metal bands, metal album covers form the largest percentage of the recreations (but are not the only albums included). While some users ‘cheated’ by using a tracing function in the program, most attempted to recreate the covers freehand with just a mouse or the touch pad on their laptops. Some gave themselves a limit of five minutes to recreate the most recognizable essentials.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkYfB1C0Zgc

According to the band, “all 215 loaves of bread used in the making of this video were past their sell-by date and rescued from the clutches of certain disposal.”

Disposal in mah belly!

The film is shot in the same style as The Blair Witch Project — a movie assembled from handheld footage supposedly captured by the characters themselves. In this case, it’s a camera purchased for the sole purpose of documenting a purported haunting.

The story follows a young couple, Katie and Micah, who have that “star-crossed lovers” aura of a newfound romance destined for trouble. Katie moves into Micah’s house and almost immediately her secret rears its ugly head. For her entire life, Katie has been followed by what she assumes is a ghost. This revelation sparks Micah’s curiosity, he buys the camera and smuggles in a Ouija Board to attempt communication. A psychic enters the story and tells the couple that this is not a typical ghost, but rather a horrific haunting in the form of a negative entity: a beast that never existed in human form upon the Earth (i.e.: a demon). He begs Micah to stop filming and not to use the Ouija Board.

As the film progresses, Katie begs Micah to stop taunting the entity with the camera and Ouija Board. Micah offers an empty promise and continues on with business as usual. The  “activity” in Paranormal Activity subsequently intensifies due to Micah’s negligence and inability to heed the psychic’s advice. He turns blame on Katie who didn’t tell him what he was getting into when he asked her to move in. She in turn blames Micah for making the situation worse through his stubborn male posturing.

The metaphor is obvious. “Paranormal Activity” is the story of a decaying romance — some unavoidable thing that cripples relationships, the unspoken or hidden aspects of our pasts that we carry with us. It’s the story that we have all lived in one way or another. Romance cannot last forever and sometimes forces beyond our control impact our relationships in ways we could never foresee or forestall.

To me that’s what it is anyway.

Although I found the film to be rather disappointing, it made me reflect on my years as a paranormal investigator. I learned a lot about people during those years, about how we think, the attention we crave, and how we deal with the realities of life.

During one event with the TAPS team, I met a woman from Upstate New York who felt that her home was haunted. She told me of things moving on their own, shadows seen around the home and footsteps. I asked her if she was scared and she replied no. The woman believed that it was her grandfather, who had recently passed, that was haunting her home. Throughout her tale, she began to cry hysterically — fearing that her grandfather was not “crossing over to the other side” and “couldn’t let go of his living world.”

This woman was clearly grieving. She feared the safety of her grandfather; her own spiritual/paranormal belief system caused her to think he would spend eternity in the secular world, looking over his family. She wanted him to cross over. But I questioned who in this situation was having a difficult time gaining closure.

I told her there was a simple solution: when she is comfortable, alone in the home and begins to feel the presence of her grandfather, to have a conversation with him as if he was alive. Sit down with him and inform him that she will be OK, that she appreciates all he has done for her and all that he continues to do for her, but it is time to move on to the next stage. I told her to tell him that her life would continue on, and similarly his would do the same. Tell him he needs to let go and that she will see him again. It was time for both of them to move on.

Three weeks later I called her and asked her how things were going. She replied that she took my advice, sat down and told her grandfather exactly what I said, and the activity has stopped.

Now, almost two years later, there has been no activity within the home.  It is quiet and secure.

Whenever someone talks to me of possible paranormal activity, I usually respond with “Who do you think is haunting your home?” The response is typically a family member. Some of us hang on to those who have left this realm for too long, and we create the paranormal as an expression of our loss — it is a need to keep those we love around just a little while longer. The human grieving process is in many ways as mysterious as the paranormal, and the power of the human brain to house or heal emotional pain cannot effectively be quantified.

And if my good friend and former client in New York sat down at the kitchen table and talked to nobody, does it really matter? Perhaps she needed to hear herself say those words more than the deceased.

I wanted something slightly Deco, definitely antiquated, but also futuristic in a timeless way. Does this do the trick? Our friend Angel says it’s got a Soviet relic-feel to it, and she’d know, being from Eastern Europe and all.

I’ve got a bit of work to do in site building, etc. before the label is officially born. But I think we’re on the right track.

I’ve got some awesome news on that front.

The CDs have been assembled by Mars Pyramid and are on the way to Contrarian HQ. The inimitable Susan Norton has turned in the comic that comes with the purchase of the physical copy of the album. The liner notes have been written and the lyrics pieced together. All that’s left are the videos (and probably a podcast where I explain what a tremendous pain in the ass it is to do this stuff, but also why it’s fun and rewarding). Look for an official rollout within the next couple of weeks.

But it’s not all about me, me, me. I’ve decided, after six or so solo releases (at least two of which have been successful by modest standards), to put out some stuff by other artists.

Lux Eterna is the name of the label, and the next release will be from classically-trained experimental-Americana guitarist Mark G. Cooley, who has decided to go electric on his new recording. (Go ahead, scream “Judas!” — it always feels good.) So what does this as-yet-unnamed album sound like? Picture Discipline-era King Crimson as played by technicolor gnomes from another dimension and you’re almost there. There’s lots of cool shimmers and shudders for all you noise addicts, too. In other words, something for everyone.

Next, I hope to collaborate on a pop song cycle with Arthur Adams. I’ve long wanted to compose an album in tribute to weirdo rocket scientist Jack Whiteseide Parsons in which bygone California — in all of its bootstrapping, schizophrenic glory — serves as a musical lodestone. Last time I checked with Arthur, he was down. All the way down, even.

After (or perhaps before) that, I hope to release something from The Ten Thousand Things, whom readers will know as our resident Library Scientist, Wes Covey.

By the way, my short story “The Cove,” which was featured as a digital extra for my last record, Eldritch Musicks, is published in the latest edition of Fantastic Horror #16. You can read it online, even.

As you were.