Hi! My name is Sheela!

Watching the “Hail to the V” commercials leaves me feeling conflicted.

They are certainly:

• Idiotic and annoying. But hey, what advertising isn’t?
• Considered racist by many people.
• Offensive to all women, everywhere, forever.

Why offensive? Well, their marketing has created and then preyed upon the idea that all women’s vaginal areas are inherently so dirty, stinky, icky and unsanitary that they require special products just to make the natural stench of women tolerable to the general public. One might hope we’d left that kind of misogynistic bullshit advertising back in the Women’s Day magazines of the 1950s, but sadly no. Just last fall, Summer’s Eve published ads for their feminine wash stating that douching is #1 thing every woman should do before asking for a raise. Le Wow.

Not only are these companies unethical for exploiting a fear that they created, their products are actually bad for women’s gynocological and general health. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology recommend against douching and using heavily scented chemical products in your vagina and on external genitalia. Using that garbage increases your risks of developing vaginal irritation, vaginitis, pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancy, bacterial vaginal infections and certain STDs.

Now these adds are taking their nefarious campaign to the next level. Now they are groveling priests of the Cult of Vag offering gifts to your glorious vagina! It’s not about men or jobs anymore, it’s about what’s best for you. Only a company that advocates such overt worship of all that is the Sacred Feminine could produce a gift worthy of laying on the Alter of Vagina! Right? Except the gift is a toxic smoke bomb that kills everything inside the temple and corrodes the walls.

So why am I conflicted? They’re all bad, right? Well… I feel like I can take away at least one good aspect. In the past most feminine hygiene products were pure vague innuendo, euphemism, and metaphor. Unless you had pre-existing knowledge of the products and their uses you would have no idea what the ads were for. Here are some examples:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro2mKtw77Sc

www.youtube.com/watch?v=potXaDoFZHQ

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvD0X-mFk4U

www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR8fyh7QgPM

So I can’t help but think it’s ultimately a good thing that these ads are actually saying the word vagina and even using a quasi-realistic portrayal of a talking vulva. What I wish they would have gone with instead is this covert ad campaign they’ve started online, which I think is much funnier and more assertive. While I still find their marketing to be inherently offensive, I actually like this ad a lot compared to everything that’s come before it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ss8uUbvprk

That kitty puppet sounds sincere, and I believe he would strongly condemn Summer’s Eve if he knew how bad their products are for vaginas. What do you think?

This is essentially a feminist site, but as its male proprietor, I confess to being utterly out of my depths when it comes to stuff like this new ad campaign for Summer’s Eve.

Hail to the V:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_zJwLZ49zM

And look, they made some for different races!

White:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKvLd_XxFuw

Black:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DcFjbELeW0

Latino:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=szausZLMZuY

Readers (and contributors) please help me out here. Are these sexist, racist, ridiculous or some kind of hitherto unexplored combination?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4uDQHAEASU

For more, please follow @meganamram on Twitter.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_w6ekM2nRw

This is the second video from the album, “Tea for None.” It should be pretty easy to suss out its deeper meaning (well, unless you’re a certain breed of conservative):

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xOz7FrohcY

There are lots more videos on The Contrarian YouTube channel, which the Power of Christ compels you to subscribe to!

This video of my hero, Nicolas Fucking Cage, shows him doing what he does best: screaming brilliant nonsense at the top of his lungs with such wild abandon it sends chills down our collective spines. But I guess these square Romanian club bouncers just aren’t hip to the Genius of the Master.

It’s OK though, WE get it. Yes Mr. Cage, you will die in the name of honor, and we’ll love you all the more for it. Can’t wait for Ghost Rider 2.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcXp53Dk48Y

Also excellent is this bizarre Scandinavian video featuring a shocking array of American stars singing “Let it Be” for no discernible reason. It doesn’t have anything to do with the holidays, but it is plenty merry:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZkdLrTQtoY

As you were.