To break the spell and curry an editor’s favor [Editor's note: you got it!], I have decided to veer away from my typically ghostly writings to ponder another odd fascination of mine.

If possible, I would like all readers with the ability to do so, to tune an AM shortwave radio to 4625 kHz. You will hear short, repeating bursts of static, a simple buzz of white noise, that repeats at a rate of 21-34 times a minute — all day. Upon its initial discovery in Cold War-era 1982, this phenomenon was as perplexing and frightening as a KC and the Sunshine Band reunion.

Although not paranormal in origin — the signal’s purpose is still unknown — it has been monitored by the US government and fans of shortwave radio since the initial discovery. It’s like something out of “Lost,” but it probably won’t preempt any State of the Union addresses.

The modern white noise “buzz” began in 1990. Previously, it was a simple “bip” sound, similar to that of a sonar machine in a submarine. These sounds have been consistent and repeating, with little interruption, since they were discovered. However, there have been rare occasions when the buzzes stopped and voices were heard.

These utterances are sometimes heard in the background behind the buzz — hinting that the broadcast may be a live microphone. On November 3rd, 2001, a voice was heard speaking in Russian saying: “I’m 143rd. I don’t receive the oscillator (generator).” “That’s what the operating room is sending.” Or, “Those are the orders from operations.” Such messages are rare, but appear to be conversations that were not meant to be broadcast — meaning they don’t illuminate the true purpose of UVB-76.

On Christmas Eve of 1997, the buzzes stopped for a brief moment of silence. What followed was a series of short beeps followed by a male Russian’s voice who said the following: “Ya — UVB-76. 18008. BROMAL: Boris, Roman, Olga, Mikhail, Anna, Larisa. 742, 799, 14.” It was repeated several times, after which, the buzzing resumed. It was following this broadcast that the origin of the signal was traced to a small town 40 km outside of Moscow named Povarovo.

The talking went dark until 2006 when another voice broke the signal, speaking the perplexing message, “75-59-75-59. 39-52-53-58. 5-5-2-5. Konstantin-1-9-0-9-0-8-9-8-Tatiana-Oksana-Anna-Elena-Pavel-Schuka. Konstantin 8-4. 9-7-5-5-9-Tatiana. Anna Larisa Uliyana-9-4-1-4-3-4-8.”

Click here for a link to the broadcast.

Theories abound concerning the purpose of Russian signal. Websites across the internet claim it to be the mouthpiece of the Soviet military, a governmental chess player’s hand moving rooks and pawns throughout the world by way of timed static interchanges. Some suggest that it does the same for the worldwide spy network established by and operating on behalf of the Russian government. A more frightening theory is that the signal is a beacon used to confirm the continuing, non-ceasing purpose of some other facility or individual — a dead man’s switch, if you will — its intended listeners are to respond accordingly if the signal should someday stop broadcasting.

The most vital component of UVB-76’s broadcasts is that, despite the decades since the end of the Cold War, when the Supreme Soviet crumbled in the ring ala Ivan Drago, even after the fall of the Berlin Wall and Communism in general, the static dashes of UVB-76’s tower is still broadcast throughout the world. Therefore, it cannot be considered a relic of a bygone Cold War society. On the contrary, it is still operational and still has purpose, however elusive.

And there is someone still at the switch, and someone is still listening waiting to respond — and as a child and product of the Cold War, the entire idea chills my bones more than any paranormal activity.

Through it all, “Ghost Hunters” remains king. The show is one of cable television’s highest rated original programs and grows every season. I recently had the opportunity to speak with one of the original cast members and TAPS member, Kristyn Gartland, and discuss the early years of TAPS. Gartland gives a glimpse into those days, the advent of TAPS as TV stars, the awesome power of the editing room and the pressures accompanying success.

Q&A after the jump.

Kristyn, thanks for talking to me today. Let’s start with your history of the paranormal before TAPS entered the picture. What were you doing before TAPS entered your life?
The pleasure is ALL mine! I was a single mom raising my son. Working crazy hours to keep the bills paid. It was a very tough time for me.

What is your earliest paranormal experience?
As a child I used to tell my mother I thought there was someone in the house, I would hear footsteps. My first real experience was in my first apartment. Thing would go missing, my TV channels would change etc. Finally, I asked someone and we found out it was a man named John and he lived in the house. For whatever reason he liked me and never stole my things after that, only my roommate’s stuff.

Were you interested in the paranormal before this happened?
NO!! Scared of it really, but then I started to read about it to learn more.

What was it that motivated you to become a paranormal investigator?
How awful and isolated I felt with my own experiences. I wanted to make it easier for someone to talk to people about what was going on.

How did you meet TAPS’ founders Jay (Hawes) and Grant (Wilson)?
I searched for a group to assist me with my haunting, and I found TAPS. It was not until the 2nd or 3rd investigation I met Jay and I didn’t meet Grant for quite some time after that.

What was your role in TAPS in those early years?
Oh God, I did website stuff. Nothing major, but I was a part of something I believed in so I didn’t care.

Tell me about those early years of TAPS, before television entered the picture. Where would you meet? What were your investigations like? What were the dynamics of the team?
Starbuck’s, that’s where meetings took place. Investigations were serious, there was something new every time. The people in the group only cared about the investigation and helping people. We talked shop! We were all different, but all there for the same reason so we didn’t argue too much.

Can you tell me about your favorite, pre-SyFy Channel, investigation?
There were a few. There was one where the woman was involved 100 percent in the investigation. She wanted to learn a ton and did! We helped her more than she thought we would.

How did TAPS meet with the folks from Syfy? What was the general feeling of TAPS members when this new endeavor presented itself?
I don’t know how the meet was with SYFY. I was not there for that. I think we were all happy! It was a new thing, and a chance for us to all be heard. A chance to make what we did acceptable.

Was the TAPS team shocked at the popularity of the show?
Yes! I still am.

How has the TAPS team handled this new fame?
All of us handle things differently. I always remember where I came from and why I was where I was. Not to mention I am not anywhere near famous!

How has the dynamics within TAPS changed since the television show?
There is no longer a bond, its hard to keep up with everyone and their schedules.

What was your favorite on-air investigation?
All of them. They were all awesome in their own way, much like the home investigations. All brought something to my life I didn’t have before.

TAPS’ involvement in the television show comes under fire frequently from viewers, skeptics, and other paranormal groups, to the point where TAPS members have become symbols of the paranormal community. Personally, do you feel that this is fair to the members of TAPS?
Yes and no. There is this thing called editing. You are made to look how they want you to look. I get the bitch role, not too far from the truth, however I am not like that all the time… but you think I am based on the editing. I joke, we all do, but you never see that. Steve is always a “joker” right, but he is one of the few I go to for knowledge, he is very serious about investigating.

I think you need a spine, you need to know about the paranormal to be in the spotlight because when asked simple questions your words should never falter. The answer should be right there. If one person is not happy about evidence presented, they will go as far to accuse you of faking evidence. I have pride! I would never in a million years fake anything!

How do the members of the show handle the pressure brought on by the show?
It’s not easy on family, friends, yourself. We all handle it differently. I have a wonderful man I vent to. I have been unemployed for almost 2 years now and I’ll tell you what, a few times I went on interviews the person knew me from the show and that’s all they could talk about, yet still unemployed! They wanted to know why a TV star needed a job! Or how often I would miss work to go be with the team. Can you imagine? I am NOT a star, and I certainly am NOT rich, jeesh. I need a real job to take care of my family just like everyone else does.

Your life is put out there; you can’t have an address people can find, or a job. I have warned my son about all of it and he is careful. I have gotten letters at home from people who found my address on the web. My son will wear a GH shirt to school and his teachers ask for free stuff! It is kind of funny sometimes.

Do you feel that the show reflects TAPS accurately, or is it a different beast all together?
See, TAPS is not represented as TAPS. Its Ghost Hunters. TAPS is the name of the group. There is also a home team who don’’t so much as get a glance from people because they are not on TV, yet they are a great bunch of investigators who ONLY care about the people.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts how rabid, and sometimes scary, the TAPS fan base can be. Has there ever been a time when you felt like you were a part of “Paranormal Beatlemania” — that it may have gotten to be a little too much?
A few times at events, yes. It is hard to go anywhere that someone doesn’t stop you. It’s a blessing and a curse all at the same time. But I’m not on the show all the time so I don’t get that as much as the others.

Your involvement in the show has decreased over the years, yet your involvement in TAPS’ home team as a case manager has remained the same. Has this been a decision on your part, to drop out of the limelight and focus more on investigations off-camera? Or are there other powers that be?
My involvement is not my decision, I get asked to go on cases on an as needed basis. The need to have me in particular has decreased, apparently. I will always be in the paranormal, TV show or not. Being the case manager gave me the opportunity to pick away at our tactics and be more involved in writing policies, training and the overall running of the TAPS home team. I love it.

Tell me a little bit about the “Paranormal 101″ workshop.
I love teaching. It is the tip of the iceberg though. Most people are uneducated of misinformed about the paranormal therefore being scared for false reasons. My class brings light to the happenings. I give you real life cases. The books to read to assist you further. I tell you why I am here, and about the experiences I have had over the years to give me the knowledge I have. I was not just a fan of the show that jumped on board with no knowledge at all because I wanted to be a star.

I have people to go to like John Zaffis and Adam Blai, the top respected Demonologists in our field. I consult Chip Coffey for info on psychics. There are a variety of people I have had the luck to learn from. I use knowledge from the groups I have met over the years, other perspectives that I didn’t think of.

You started Paranormal 101 years ago, yet Para101 has suddenly appeared from another TAPS member. What is the difference between the two? And how did this come to be?
The name to me was an insult. It was everything I worked for. My words put on paper to help others understand what the paranormal was all about. Cases I went on. Clients I had. It was my money that copyrighted it. Thank god. I don’t know what possess someone to try to take that hard work away. The name of that class has changed several times now so I’m not sure what goes on with it.

Similar to all pop culture phenomena, success brings a certain level of discomfort in the ranks. There seems to have been a rift in the TAPS team in recent years, negative postings from TAPS members concerning you and other members have popped up periodically on message boards and other media posts. What do you feel has brought this division between TAPS members? How does this make you feel? And does TAPS have some form of regulation or code of conduct that should prevent this from happening? Can TAPS overcome these obstacles?
It breeds bad blood. I have seen the postings, I’ve heard the talks. I am nauseous over it. I have never said that I refuse to do Beyond Reality Events, I have never been asked, in fact quite the opposite, I have been left out until someone stepped in. I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to teach my class and meet people with the same interest. However, what I feel is the issue is MY class. I doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see what the problem is. I’ll let you come to your own conclusion.

There is a policing system in place; I don’t know what else to say about that. It makes me feel the team is no longer a team. “We” as a team, and there is no “I” in team, should not be allowed on any level to publicly shit on each other. There should be a level of discipline for that. I don’t know that we will overcome it, I just don’t know. I know I hope that we will, however I am losing faith.

TAPS got me where I am today. I am forever grateful for all the places I have been, all the people I have met and all the experiences I have had. That is always something I will remember. Any time Jay Hawes or production calls to go on a case, my first words are ”thank you for thinking of me.” I am not too sure that too many members say that, maybe that is my problem.
There is so much negativity in this field right now it’s insane! People going to jail, people intentionally hurting others to get ahead? What the hell are we here for? What is so important that people feel the need to place hurt on others? Or feel they are better than others? There are MySpace pages and websites dedicated to hurting people in this field and yet those writing claim to be investigators? I am at a loss! Maybe I will lay low until all the crap blows over and I can go back to where we started.

People who attend workshops or paranormal events notice that you are also a photographer, taking photographs of many locations where TAPS members investigate. Has photography always been an interest?
Yes, I love photography. I like to put my eye in it, so you see the places how I saw them.

Recently, you started a line of paranormal investigator equipment bags called “Anomalie Paranormal” – what inspired you to this endeavor?
I was sick of carrying the equipment in every pocket and sock I had! We needed something for us.

Finally, what’s next for Kristyn Gartland?
I am getting married on 2-27-10 so until that is done that is all I’ll be doing.

And yet my mailbox remains empty. Thanks, Kristyn!

Greetings.

I trust your Thanksgiving indulgences were agreeable. Now that the tryptophan coma has worn off, we can get back to business. Here’s an update about some recent concerns at The Contrarian HQ.

• Scotch Whisky: I’m learning (or hope to begin learning more) about this magical beverage. I never much cared for Scotch, considering it to be another affectation of an American male leisure class to which I have no business belonging. Which is why I’m somewhat annoyed that I’ve developed a taste for single malts — seemingly right on schedule. 35 years old, with something resembling an actual career and what might even be considered in these dour economic times to be disposable income. It’s all so predictable. Sigh.
• Lists: I loathe them. But I’m gonna do the responsible publisher thing and throw our lot into the “best of the decade” hullaboo. The other night, I drank a bit too much of the aforementioned Scotch whisky and emailed a crapload of people to hopefully persuade them to tell me their fave albums of the aughts. Looking back, I think it’s been a grim decade for music, but others may disagree. I’ve also asked a more select group of folks to help me think through a “most underrated guitarists” list. So stay tuned for all that.
• Existential Dread: I’ve been considering what it means to be a writer of horror fiction, mostly due to the positive responses to my short story “The Cove” — which is part of the “digital extras” package for my new album, Eldritch Musicks. Though the story will be published at other outlets, those who purchase the CD directly from this site will get an early edition featuring illustrations from our own Susan Norton. But back to the existential dread. Since childhood, I’ve had very few ambitions: to be a writer, to be a rock star, to be a horror movie visual effects person and to work in politics. So far so good? While I won’t be breaking into the FX business anytime soon, I might be able to do the horror writer bit — albeit at a modest level. Lately, I’ve been revisiting those “outsider” scribes with a grasp of our cosmic insignificance and a knack for crafting tales of philosophical terror. Currently, I’m reading Roland Topor‘s The Tenant (with an introduction by Tomas Ligotti!), and my Amazon cart is a who’s-who of literary foreboding and antipathetic decadence. Now, I’m sure I will never reach the heights of the masters, but I can always fail above expectations.

If there’s a lesson that I’ve drawn from my 35 years on this planet it’s that imagination is precious and no one is keeping score. At least no one that matters. So I am delighted, in my own peculiar way, to have the means to pursue my fancies and the temperament necessary to advance my ideas, however trifling. This feels as close to liberation as I imagine I will ever comprehend.

End Transmission.

A good friend of The Contrarian named Nicolo (last name withheld to protect his dignity/employability) recently sent us an e-mail taking us to task for our ongoing broadsides of Sarah Palin and family. Here’s a slightly edited version of his message, reprinted with permission:

I think you degrade the quality of your blog by continuing to report on the Palins’ personal matters. During the election, maybe all was fair game. This stuff shouldn’t be part of our national dialogue, even though a lot of media has framed it as worthy of the public’s attention (do you really want to be like them?) When I see Sarah Palin as your number two cloud tag, it saddens me. There is something fundamentally flawed about continuing after her, and it’s against the values I voted for. It also doesn’t jive with the tone of the rest of your blog. Don’t get me wrong —  she sucks, but she’s also been thoroughly defeated (maybe you think she’s coming back sometime). I don’t think she’s coming back, but if she does, go after her then, when she (and not her family) asks for it. The best of your blog has more weight without this tabloid crap.

Nicolo is a great guy, but I think his criticisms of our Palin coverage are a bit off the mark. Here’s my response:

1. Although it’s not in the “Music, Media, Metaphysics” header, satire is a major part of The Contrarian, and has been since the beginning. I see us as being like Bill Maher‘s inquisitive, chubby progeny. Sarah Palin and her family are therefore within target range – let’s not forget how she elbowed her pregnant teen daughter into the national spotlight while simultaneously shoving her own regressive morals down the throats of anyone within range of broadcast media.

2. As long as these weirdos keep voluntarily going on TV (Bristol Palin went on Fox WITH HER MOM; Levi Johnston went on Tyra Banks WITH HIS MOM AND SISTER) they are very much “fair game.” I’m not forcing these people to reveal their tragic-comic Jerry Springer-style family feuds on national TV, but as long as they do, I reserve the right to make fun of them relentlessly, and with extreme prejudice. I’m not Barack Obama, and I didn’t campaign on a “nice guy” platform. Sometimes compassion is a sharp blade.

3. You’re right that Sarah Palin isn’t coming back, BECAUSE SHE NEVER WENT AWAY. Though appalled by her politics, we satirists are delighted that Sarah, immediately after losing the election, started a national PAC to fund her inevitable campaign for the presidency in 2012. Alaskan media reports indicate she’s spending more time raising money outside the state (apparently in those pockets of the country where “Real Americans” live) than she is governing. She’s given numerous speeches to national right-wing bigot orgs in which she spouts her Christianist rhetoric and defames not only her ex running mate, but also the president. I’d say that makes her fair fucking game, indeed.

4. Like it or not, Sarah Palin’s candidacy for VP brought her to the national stage, and dragged with it the sundry political scandals of her native Alaska. That means that Troopergate is worth reporting, as is the her anti-environmental policies, sweetheart oil deals (and “redistributionist” taxpayer refunds), animal cruelty, etc. That the “executive” of the largest nanny state in the country makes such a display of not accepting federal stimulus dollars is both hypocritical and hilarious. And we think it’s worth pointing out publicly.

5. You might think that Palin is an “easy target.” Well, I see nothing benign about apocalyptic Christianist nutjobs like Palin. I think they’re dangerous, and the fact that we had one on the national ticket should frankly scare you to death (say what you will about Dubya, but his religiosity was seemingly a matter of booze-related convenience). The most effective weapon we have against these people is ridicule — demonstrating their unfitness to lead by repeatedly comparing their words and actions to those of sane human beings.

I think I’ve more than made my case here. But keep in mind that the reason she rates so high in the tag cloud is because we wrote about her a lot during the election cycle. Believe me, if I didn’t exercise editorial restraint re: Palin, we’d never have room for anything else.

Nicolo responded to that with a more direct question: “How seriously do you want your political thoughts to be taken?”

I’m not sure I have an answer for that one, so I’ll crowdsource the question: how seriously do you take my political thoughts?

I went to the mailbox yesterday afternoon (the US Postal Service has not yet made good on its threat to halt Saturday deliveries) to find a wonderful surprise: our good friend Delancey Leathers sent us a stack of vintage RockCards! Well, they’re not really “rock” per se — more like late 1980s glam and thrash. Although there is a Bill Bruford card, which is kind of weird. I guess it’s because the guy is in, like, every issue of Modern Drummer.

Other acts commemorated include Mötley Crüe, Anthrax, Testament, Cinderella, Poison and Megadeth — in both individual and group shots. There’s some lesser-known talent, too, like John Ricco from the picture above. Wonder what he’s doing these days?!? Let’s enjoy a few more:

Nick Menza of Megadeth is lookin’ at you.

Jerry Dixon of Warrant rockin’ the jean shorts.

Rikki Rockett of Poison gets his grind on.

Joey Belladona of Anthrax lookin’ fierce.

Eric Brittingham of Cinderella bein’ pretty.

Dave “Snake” Sabo of Skid Row. Bein’ all . . . snake-like?

Sebastian Bach has a secret!

What’s Bill Bruford doing here?

Hi my name is Dan Pred. Welcome to Applebee’s.

Who the fuck is the Dan Reed Network?

And what kind of name is Mandy for a rocker?

Finally, some sanity.

Play us out, Reb Beach!

To be honest with you, I don’t think journalists should be anywhere allowed war [sic]. … I liked back in World War I and World War II, when you’d go to the theater and you’d see your troops on the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for them. Now everyone’s got an opinion and wants to down soldiers — our American soldiers, our Israeli soldiers. I think media should be abolished from reporting. You know, war’s hell, and if you’re gonna sit there and say ‘Well look at this atrocity’ — well you don’t know the full story behind it half the time. So I think the media should have no business in it.

So Joe the War Correspondent thinks that there should be no war correspondents. I’m not going to waste time pointing out what an asshole this guy is, that’s been done. Robert Schlesinger from US News & World Report takes him seriously enough to tear the guy down, but if that’s too highbrow for you, then here’s CNN’s Rick Sanchez, taking the piss out of Joe on national television:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BE0rc2aZpc

I’m pretty used to getting these kinds of things — DC is non-profit central. But this letter from a comedy special interest group really takes the cake:

Every day, somewhere in the world, a joke dies. And not just individual jokes — entire comedy ecosystems are currently threatened with extinction. What can be done to stop this unacceptable tragedy?

The Stand Up Comedy Association of America (SUCAA) is fighting to preserve our nation’s precious jokes and the comedic habitats they rely on for survival. You can help us establish a future for an entire range of endangered jokes by contributing to SUCCA today.

A Culture in Jeopardy
North America once played host to a wide range of performance-based humor — from the beloved one-liner (which flourished in the Catskills) to the uproarious (and if we’re talking pie-in-the-face, delicious!) sight gags common to 20th-century vaudeville. Ask yourself — when was the last time you witnessed a public pratfall? Does your local dry goods merchant even carry Groucho glasses? How long can we sit idly and watch as our country’s comedic wealth is squandered in the name of self-referential “punchlines” and pop-culture name-drops?

The Disease Spreads
From “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” to “The Family Guy,” a new and pernicious form of so-called “comedy” is sweeping the nation, to the detriment of more venerable forms of joke-telling. Shortly after the turn of the millennium, a virulent socially transmitted disease known as Dane Cook Syndrome tore through American colleges and universities with deadly efficiency. Spreading from dorm room to dorm room, this pernicious virus eventually found its way into the greater humorsphere, causing untold damage to the nation’s comedic health. We’ll never know just many species of funny were obliterated by this comedic cataclysm. But there is a silver lining: Because of SUCCA’s direct involvement, Dane Cook Syndrome is now largely confined to MySpace and other cultural dead zones.

Keep a Joke Alive™
Although bringing jokes back from the brink of extinction is important and costly work, it represents only a fraction of SUCCA’s efforts. Through extensive research and field observations, we identify jokes and gags that, while not currently threatened by extinction, will soon be. Your support will save countless riffs and routines — in other words, you can Keep a Joke Alive™.

The Watchlist
Here’s a list of once vital humor strains that are currently under threat:

•    Blunders
•    One-liners
•    Blendwords
•    Impressions
•    Repartee
•    Slapstick
•    Screwball
•    Sidekicks (exception: “stoner buds”)
•    Wisecracks
•    Pranks
•    Puns

Please help us protect these funny forms (and others) by making your contribution today. Remember: you need a laugh, and a laugh needs you. Donate today!

Isn’t that fucked up? I did a Google search for SUCAA and didn’t turn anything up. It’s probably some kind of prank. Funny, though.

We’ve all seen the email forwards running amok in this current election cycle. Digital communiques all about how Obama is a Muslim who attended a Madrassa or how he takes baths with Bill Ayers. So when I caught one from a supposed Wasilla resident who wants  people to know how Sarah Palin really is, I took it with a grain of salt the size of Joe Biden‘s Delaware. That is, until I saw that Snopes had done the legwork to confirm that said Wasilla resident, Anne Kilkenny, not only actually exists, but indeed ‘fessed up to writing the letter.

Apparently, local voting registrar Kilkenny just wanted folks to be aware of what Palin has been like as Mayor and Governor. While she admits that there might be a little ax-grinding going on, Kilkeny also says she’s getting the word out because "I’m just a housewife. I don’t have a job she can bump me out of."  Who is this Sarah Palin? [Ed's note: Undead Molly might  know.]

Case in point, this excellent find about "Billy," a supposed 10-year-old boy who hand-wrote letters to America’s lawmakers and serial killers back in the 1990s (and in some cases, followed up a decade later). Here’s the original post from Radar Magazine; example letter to Richard Ramirez (AKA the NightStalker) is reprinted below:

And the response (dig the official stationery!):

To: Billy
From: Richard Ramirez
Received: January 21, 1999

Billy,
Greetings. Got your letter. What school do you go to? Who’s your friend? You should stay in school. Send pictures.
Richard

And don’t miss the comments section, where wacky netizens try to decode Charlie Manson‘s cryptic reply leters. Thanks to MGP for his tireless scouring of the interwebs for our collective amusement.