Regular readers will be familiar with Canadian futurist and ethicist George Dvorsky, whose excellent site Sentient Developments explores topics related to science, technology, human performance and the moral imperative to expand rights of personhood to certain non-human animals. We’ve linked to SD dozens of times over the years, and George was even good enough to let us do some guest blogging back before we got too busy to populate our own damn site.

George is also the Chairman of the Board at the Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies as well as the program director for the Rights of Non-Human Persons Program.

We’re happy to count George among our personal friends, which makes it that much more fun to tell you about his podcast, which we listened to all the time back in the day. Besides the cool discussions, we were always really impressed with George’s choices in music for the program. (Dude’s got some big ears!) Now the podcast is back in full force, and we encourage you to check it out. The official feed is here; you can get it through iTunes right here.

Another pal, Michael Nordstrom (aka Nerdstrom, aka Mondhexe, aka fifty other things), has taken his obsession with über-legendary kaiju character Garamon to an absurd and fairly fucking awesome new level. Already the proprietor of fan site Garamania, Nerdstrom is now attempting to become Garamon.

We’re not kidding.

Check out the Kickstarter page for The Becoming of Garamike project, through which Nerdstrom is attempting to raise a mere $2,200 to get a couple of pro sculptors and makeup artists to help him, erm, make the transition. Here’s the official description:

Yes, at last… no longer content to merely document and celebrate the world’s favorite clunky, crusty, fish-lipped, oil-belching, high-rise-wrecking meteorite monster… I, Michael Nordstrom (Nerdstrom), Proprietor of Garamania, being of warped mind and highly costume-tolerant body… have decided to becomeGaramon (actually, Garamike).  Working with ultra-talented professional sculptors/make-up artists Michael Ridge and Michael Turner and a whole lot of alginate, foam and silicone, I will be alchemically transformed into a being as outwardly Garamonic as I could ever hope to be. Our design honors the original suit while adding some cutting-edge components (including the face, which will be a form-fitting silicone masterwork of Gara-expressiveness).  Our goal is to complete work on at least the initial phase (head, hands, feet and tail) by the opening night of GARAMANIACAL, the all-Garamon, all-Pygmon art show I am curating for FOE Gallery in Northampton, Massachusetts (the current image for this project is a section of an incredible painting by Jason Edmiston, which will be on display at the show).  On opening weekend, my hope is to be a Gara-transformed barker and ballyhoo-er, stomping the snowy streets of Northampton to connect the public at large to the show, turning them on to works of Garamonstrous art that they didn’t even realize they needed in their lives (but they do… they definitely do).  The funds you contribute will help us meet this goal, as well as further us on the road to completing a full suit in the foreseeable future.

Backers should know that this will not be a short-term transformation.  Once granted the powers of Gara-becoming by Ridge and Turner, I will be able to become my Gara-self at any time, night or day… I plan to fully inhabit this suit, mustering all of my performance experience to truly bring it to life as a Gara-character unto itself.  Just as Jandek was Ready For The House, I am Ready For The Suit. I have a slew of mindbenderly projects in mind for my Gara-persona… YOU, the audience, will:

THRILL! at the sight of Garamike hosting a delightfully art-damaged musical variety show, to be produced for local cable access (also to be broadcast online);

GASP! while watching Garamike deliver gripping, novel musical performance art happenings to delight and inspire legions of like-monstrous folk (again, to be captured on video for cable and online broadcast);

GUFFAW! at frequent photoplay amusements featuring Garamike, to be posted to Garamania… and much, much more!

This may sound strange, but is it really any weirder than, say, Dolly Parton’s face in that thar new singin’ contest movie?

Best to both of our buds in their quest for excellence!

I’ve censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet — legislation that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit: http://americancensorship.org/posts/15233/uncensor

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WARNING: If your vehicle has one of these saccharine-sweet, stick-figure family stickers on it, it is a portent of DOOM and must be removed and destroyed immediately! I know, you probably thought it was just a whimsical, 21st-century way of saying “Baby on Board,” but as it turns out, the Universe is not such a whimsical place. I’d advise removing these stickers at once to avoid attracting your worst nightmares. If you have the clever ‘parody’ version where the family is all skeletons, I’m afraid this doesn’t make much difference — you have invited the same horror, only in a marginally more ironic manner.

Take care, and beware. If it’s any condolence, there’s still nothing out there that cares about your honor student.

The Contrarian is temporarily suspending publication in order for the Editor in Chief to take a much-deserved vacation. Our daily schedule will resume on or around June 12. We apologize for any inconvenience this service interruption may cause, and promise to take lots of pictures of our tour through Paris, Rome, Sicily, Turkey and Greece.

When I lived in Burlington VT, back in late fall 2000, I bought a 4-track cassette recorder with my roommate Tyler Bolles. The plan was to start recording some stuff and get some ideas going. I thoroughly monopolized the thing though, and after a few months I bought out his half. For the first time in my life I was able to write songs that, for lack of a better term, were “good” or “real.” The 4-track helped immensely. And it lead me through a self-taught tutorial on recording. From panning, to bouncing, to mic placement, to EQing and mixing, my 4-tracker days were unbelievably formative and prolific for me. I started slapping the moniker “The Lazy Songwriter” on my demos. Not because my songwriting was particularly lazy — in fact, I wrote and recorded about a song a day for awhile, in almost every style imaginable. From pop, to bluegrass and gospel, to punk rock, to experimental noise, to reggae, to hip hop and R&B. I was 20 years old, didn’t work very much, slept in till 1 p.m. every day and stayed up to watch the sunrise pretty often. Maybe laid-back is a better term. But “The Laid-back Songwriter” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Eventually, I had about a set’s worth of material and got some friends together to try to play them live. Tyler joined up on upright bass, banjo and vocals, and David Stockhausen on drums, banjo and vocals. Yeah, there was a lot of banjo. We played our first show at The Radio Bean coffeehouse on May 3rd, 2001. That’s right, 10 years ago today. The show was well attended, and we had lots of fun. For the next year or so, we performed in and around Burlington (mostly at Radio Bean), recorded one full-length and generally had a great time. We didn’t rehearse that much, so we were sloppy. The line-up and instrumentation changed constantly. But, as embarrassing as some of the recordings are to me personally now… we sure had a lot of fucking heart!

So today, on the 10 year anniversary of our first show, I would like to present to you a recording of that show, made by our friend Tim Marcus — who was also the sound engineer for said show, my 4-track mixdown engineer and a one-time member of the band (for one practice that is) . It’s from a 10 year old burned CD, so unfortunately I was only able to rip a portion of the show onto my computer for your listening pleasure, but I got a lot of the good stuff. Also, I would like to digitally re-release our first and only full-length, The Lazy Songwriter, and a compilation of random demos and live recordings called Anti-Cruising Law & Other Favorites. If you were a fan or friend of the band, I hope you enjoy this musical stroll down memory lane, and if this is your first time hearing it… don’t judge too harshly! We were just kids!

I would like to thank all “official” former members of the band: Tyler Bolles, Ariel Bolles, P. David Stockhausen, Michael Scott Duplessis, Michael Piche and Tim Marcus. Plus all of the people who hung out with, recorded with, performed with or booked us over the years (during our original run or during one of our “reunion concerts”): Emily Day, Jordan Adams, Tony Shull, Dan Bolles, Casey Rae-Hunter, Lyle King, Marie Whiteford, Tobias Rower, Peter Burton, Dan Schwartz, Andrew Vick, Pat May, Nina De Leon, Alex Crothers, Ethan Covey and especially Lee Anderson for booking our first show and every show since.

Please feel free to listen to, download and share! The albums are compressed as .zip files, but they may take a few minutes to download. A few preview tracks are available to stream for each album as well. Enjoy!

-Arthur Leon Adams III

LISTEN: The Lazy Songwriter – Live at Radio Bean (5/3/01)

1. The Never Ever Song
2. I must be blind.
3. Through the TV part two
4. SLEEPY
5. Untitled (How many covers?)
6. Happy Birthday to Dave & My Dad
7. Beyond Belief (Elvis Costello & The Attractions)

Arthur Leon Adams III – vocals, guitar
Tyler Bolles – upright bass, mandolin, vocals
P. David Stockhausen – drums, banjo, vocals

Tim Marcus — sound engineer, recordist. The crackling noise coming from the acoustic guitar is a problem with the guitar’s pickup and is in the original recording. And it’s not Tim’s fault!

The Lazy Songwriter, The Lazy Songwriter (LP)
[RIGHT OR CONTROL CLICK TO DOWNLOAD .ZIP FILE]

1. The Never Ever Song
2. Back in Fashion [LISTEN]
3. SLEEPY [LISTEN]
4. Purple Blues
5. Naked Arm [LISTEN]
6. (romantic part)
7. We sang to Jesus [LISTEN]
8. Through the TV part two
9. R&R Star [LISTEN]
10. Girlfriend Punk [LISTEN]
11. I don’t want to talk

All songs by Arthur Leon Adams III ©2001-2002 TLSongs.

Recorded on 4-track by Arthur Leon Adams III, spring 2002.
Mixed and mastered by Tim Marcus at Milkmansound. ©2002 TLSongs.

Arthur Leon Adams III – vocals, guitars, piano, vibraphone, etc
Ariel Bolles – vocals, trombone
Tyler Bolles – vocals, upright bass, banjo, etc
P. David Stockhausen – vocals, drums, banjo, guitar

The Lazy Songwriter, Anti-Cruising Law & Other Favorites (Compilation)
[RIGHT OR CONTROL CLICK TO DOWNLOAD .ZIP FILE]

1. Anti-cruising Law (live) [LISTEN]
2. (The One Who’s Gonna) Save The World [LISTEN]
3. ITCH [LISTEN]
4. I Fear YR Right
5. BIG LIE
6. accrega b
7. Money Off The Crutch!!! [LISTEN]
8. That thing we just did.
9. Under it [LISTEN]
10. When You Stare [LISTEN]
11. She’s an Angel (live)
12. The Weather
13. Pretty Girl (come on and learn to dance)
14. Some Romantic Part of the World
15. SOME DAYS [LISTEN]
16. ITCH (Live)
17. Baby, I’m Comin’ Around
18. She’s a Whaaaa???? (live)

All songs by Arthur Leon Adams III ©2001-2002 TLSongs except “She’s an Angel” by Linnell/Flansburgh and “She’s a whaaaa???” by Linnell/Flansburgh/Traditional/Adams.

Recorded on 4-track by Arthur Leon Adams III
Live recordings by Tim Marcus and/or Lee Anderson.

Performed by Arthur Leon Adams III, Ariel Bolles, Tyler Bolles, Emily Day, Michael Scott Duplessis, Michael Piche, Daniel Schwartz, P. David Stockhausen and Andrew Vick.

Backstory:

[Wikipedia]: In 1989, sixties pop group The Turtles sued hip-hop band De La Soul for using a sample from their 1969 hit “You Showed Me” for the interlude track “Transmitting Live from Mars,” despite the fact that The Turtles did not actually write the original song.

Last week, the Library of Congress selected De La Soul’s 3 Feet High and Rising for the National Recording Registry. This is only the second hip-hop album to receive this status, after Public Enemy’s Fear of a Black Planet, which was added in 2004.

Both records would be impossible to release today, due to current copyright law and the environment for licensing samples, which is both expensive and unwieldy.

The following is a faux-letter to the Library of Congress from the Turtles, protesting the addition of De La Soul to the National Recording Registry. It was written by my policy intern Adam Holofcener. We believe that the following bit of satire is covered under a clear parody exception.

————–

To: Library of Congress
From: The Turtles^[1
Re: More like “Piracy-brary” of Congress
Date: 4/20/11

Dear Library,

We, the Turtles, were extremely disappointed with your decision to name De La Soul’s morally bankrupt recording, Three Feet High and Rising, to the 2010 registry of the National Recording Preservation Board of the Library of Congress. This is not an exercise in envy, um, lest you, Library, tactfully forget our magnanimous barrage of decorative hand soaps to your personal residencies.^[2] But, back to the matter at hand, The American Criminal Law! Or, is it Copyright?^[3] Whatever the case, our American courts have determined^[4] that De La Soul fiendishly appropriated our wits and bravado without due cause or compensation. Plagiarism! Barbarism! Patriotism! We are well aware that the Library has rational faculties at their beck and call; however, we would prefer that they use such faculties in a way that does not promote rampant intellectual theft.^[5]

We, or shall I say “I,”^[6] would like to remind the Library that we obtained a pretty nice out-of-court settlement from Messrs. De, La and Soul which, in a certain way of looking at it, bound us to them and their nefarious work in perpetuity.^[7] Thus, we propose a new out of-court-settlement to accompany our last one.^[8] If De Law® Soul is in the registry, then we would also like to be inducted. We aren’t terribly sure how the registry is organized (perhaps by alphabetical order?), but, whatever the case, we would like to be inserted directly in front of De La’s entry.^[9] The symbiotic nature of our two works has gotten very “Frodo and the Ring”-ish in our book. Some have said that characterizing the works this way is a unique reading of the situation that literally no one else has bothered to notice.^[10] Well, fiddlesticks. The Turtles and De La Soul go together like fried haddock and mushy peas.^[11] I could really go for some mushy peas; perhaps, even, some fiddlesticks. You have gotten me off track!^[12]

….

In conclusion, Library, it would be our honor to invite you to a band showcase that we are having at “The Whiskey A Go Go” this evening.  I told the promoter that we could bring at least 37 people and he seemed impressed. We hope you take our considerations to heart when contemplating new additions to your registry.^[13] Again, great work on the Songs of the Humpback Whales pull!

To us being “Happy Together,”

The Turtle(s)

^[2] Are hand soaps not “in” anymore?

^[3] Our lawyers are unclear, as well.

^[4] Well, maybe not “officially” determined, but their large, looming shadow really pushed our cause into the litigious end-zone, so to speak.

^[5] A job well done on choosing Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man,” for this year’s registry.

^[6] [Ed's. Note: At this point, it seems clear that all but vocalist Howard Kaylan has relocated to the local watering hole in the less prosperous section of the Hollywood Hills.]

^[7] In the settlement, we tried to stipulate that the group change its name to “De Law Soul,” as a constant reminder of the infrastructure surrounding their future creative endeavors, but we, sadly, lacked the clout.

^[8] Our lawyer has repeatedly asked us to ignore the law, and all allusions to it, in responses to this inquiry.

^[9] Please send us the official Dewey decimal demarcation of our LP’s placement.

^[10] A fan commented that it was similar to baseball teams that think they are engaged in an explicit rivalry with the New York Yankees even though they are not the Boston Red Sox.

^[11] [Ed's. Note: Kaylan has gradually affected an East London accent (“Top of the Pops” reruns have been on throughout the making of this transcription). There is probably a correlation between this possibly unconscious behavior and the ingestion of his fifth Pimms Cup.]

^[12] [ . . . Eds. Note]

^[13] Have you thought of doing this more than once a year?  I am in a business class at the Santa Monica Community College and the Professor has stressed that limiting yourself to such few engagements does not, in fact, “up the rarity factor.”

The show was called “Small Town Gothic,” and it paid tribute to the back story of hauntings — those peculiar and offbeat little tales that give towns their character — rather than the paranormal investigation itself. Within each story, one investigator would play the “believer” while another would act as a skeptical historian. The two would dig deep into community lore, gathering tales of ghosts, monsters and general weirdness that accumulate through a town’s unique history. Using local archives, the tall tales would be separated from facts via historical record and personal remembrances.

We pimped this thing like a ho at 2AM. We made phone calls, got some feedback, had a lot of doors slammed in our faces and received several “thanks-but-no-thanks.” The commercial television market is a tough nut to crack, much more so than the music world (where I lived for many years). Whereas record labels seem interested in hearing what bubbles up from actual scenes (at least superficially), TV is much more self-involved and nepotistic. Production companies would rather rely on insider consultants than consider outside ideas, regardless of how interesting — or marketable — those ideas might be.

While pitching the show to production companies, I was shocked at a clause they all required us to sign which basically stated that they could legally produce the exact show we were pitching because they had the same idea before they met us. Meaning, each time we pitched a show, they could say, “Yeah, we already thought of that. Thanks. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.” And then put it into production.

The best feedback we received was “you’ve got something here, but I don’t think that it’s fully developed. Come back to us when you have a polished concept and we can talk.” I took this to mean, “I conceive better television shows on the toilet.”

So we gave up. Why bother? A colossal effort with little to no reward. Yet despite all this, I’ve spent the last year mulling the show over in my head, removing certain parts and altering others. I’ve spent countless hours in the shower (where amazing songs, lyrics and television shows are formulated and ultimately dried off with your towel) re-conceptualizing the show, and I came to a simple conclusion regarding pitching paranormal TV programs:

Fuck it. Fuck it all to Hell.

So anyway, here I am. With a television show I’m all set to pitch, but with no inclination to run around town, call around the country, sign ridiculous documents and all the other crap. Instead, I’m pitching it here, and tagging production companies. This is my show. Starring me and my friends. Production companies: you want it? Email me. You don’t? Go make a show about auctioning storage spaces — there’s four of those on right now, and surely the world needs another.

My show is called “Ghost Skeptic,” and it stars a dashingly handsome, likable and cocky teacher by day who spends his nights investigating supposed haunted locations around the country (world?). It begins with the following monologue:

My name is Chris Parizo. I spent my life studying the tales of ghosts, specters, and haunts. For years, I investigated the paranormal, searching for the unknown and unexplained. I spent hours with the latest equipment in hundreds of haunted locations and have come to one conclusion: ghosts don’t exist. But I want to believe! That’s why I’m offering this challenge. Send me to the most terrifying locations in the world, places where people dare not tread, and let me enter alone. Armed with a “panic button” as my only protection, and with my associate Darrell Hazelrig guarding the perimeter, I will venture into the world’s most dangerous and frightening haunted locales. And I will do it alone. This is “Ghost Skeptic.”

The gist of it should be clear from the opening. Basically, it’s “Small Town Gothic,” but we’ve succumbed to the paranormal investigation stuff. Act I will establish the location’s backstory: its history and the people who nurture the legend. Act II will focus on the archives and records, separating fact from folktale. Act III will be me scared shitless in the dark, doing my best not to press the panic button and alerting Darrell to switch on emergency lights, thereby ending the investigation. All of this will conclude with a wrap-up where I channel my inner Anthony Bourdain with my self-reflective and self-righteous philosophies of the paranormal. There’s another element that I will answer for anyone interested, but right now I’m too busy making fart noises with my mouth to get into it.

You’re frothing already, aren’t you!?!? This is just the greatest television pitch in history, right!?!?! You’ve got a great big boner and it has “Ghost Skeptic” written all over it, don’t you!?!?!?

Meh.

So that’s about it. I think it’s a good idea and it’s definitely something that I would watch. Hell, I’d even buy a t-shirt. Consider this an open call to all production companies: I’m tired of calling and emailing you; now it’s your turn.

And if you’ve already come up with this idea, kiss my ass. Give me executive producer credit and $20,000 so Darrell can get some new editing equipment and we’ll call it even.

No sooner than I get back from Toronto do I jet off to Austin for SXSW. If things are a bit quiet around here this week, that’s why.

If you’re in town for the Bacchanal Music Fest, be sure to catch my special conversation with legendary producer Sandy Pearlman, which takes place at the Austin Conference Center at 3:30 PM, Wednesday, March 16.

Here’s the description:

The Future of Music – Is There One?
3:30 p.m. | Room 9ABC

Have the (probably) unintended consequences created by the relatively recent technology paradigm shift from analogue to a seamless digital universe of recording, production, storage and distribution of music led music itself to fall from grace? At least in its recorded incarnation. In this movement from tape deck to shuffle the deck, from analogue scarcity to digital infinity: Music has itself become hyper ubiquitous but correspondingly less influential. Is the Resurrection of Vinyl telling us something really important? In all the annals of unintended consequence, will the fate of music on digital platforms be the most unintended of all, the loss of ability to move the human spirit?

—–

Catch you on the flip…

Well, some would argue that it’s all dark side. Still, there’s little doubt that a large chunk of humanity has responded to the recent Charlie Sheen meltdown with amusement. A seemingly smaller group find the entire escapade appalling for a number of reasons, including addiction and possible psychological issues. What is often overlooked is Sheen’s history with women.

A recent New York Times Op-Ed by Jezebel founder Anna Holmes calls out media and contemporary culture for its reluctance to confront the issue of Sheen’s treatment of his companions consorts GODDESSES.

Even now — after Mr. Sheen began carpet-bombing his bosses in radio rants, prompting CBS to shut down production on the show — observers still seem more entertained than outraged, tuning in to see him appear on every talk show on the planet and coming up with creative Internet memes based on his most colorful statements. And while his self-abuses are endlessly discussed, his abuse of women is barely broached.

Our inertia is not for lack of evidence. In 1990, he accidentally shot his fiancée at the time, the actress Kelly Preston, in the arm. (The engagement ended soon after.) In 1994 he was sued by a college student who alleged that he struck her in the head after she declined to have sex with him. (The case was settled out of court.) Two years later, a sex film actress, Brittany Ashland, said she had been thrown to the floor of Mr. Sheen’s Los Angeles house during a fight. (He pleaded no contest and paid a fine.)

In 2006, his wife at the time, the actress Denise Richards, filed a restraining order against him, saying Mr. Sheen had shoved and threatened to kill her. In December 2009, Mr. Sheen’s third wife, Brooke Mueller, a real-estate executive, called 911 after Mr. Sheen held a knife to her throat. (He pleaded guilty and was placed on probation.) Last October, another actress in sex films, Capri Anderson, locked herself in a Plaza Hotel bathroom after Mr. Sheen went on a rampage. (Ms. Anderson filed a criminal complaint but no arrest was made.) And on Tuesday, Ms. Mueller requested a temporary restraining order against her former husband, alleging that he had threatened to cut her head off, “put it in a box and send it to your mom.” (The order was granted, and the couple’s twin sons were quickly removed from his home.) “Lies,” Mr. Sheen told People magazine.

There’s no doubt that Sheen’s reprehensible and inexcusable history with women is overlooked in the meme factory, and I am glad that these issues are getting some sunlight.

That said, I’m grappling with feelings of guilt and complicity, having indulged — perhaps overindulged — in the freewheeling satire and commentary that’s accompanied the Sheen incident(s). On one hand, the shit is funny. On the other, there is the problem of separating Sheen the zinger machine from Sheen the abusive trainwreck.

Aside from the issues of violence against women, substance abuse and potential mental imbalances, there are aspects of our current media landscape that have been laid bare by the Sheen phenomenon. Although the NYT piece is a quality feminist critique, it doesn’t examine why it’s been so easy to indulge in the WTF aspects of situation.

I’ll give it a shot.

Sheen’s recent displays of lunacy have been verbal, which allows them to be placed in a largely meta construct. You can divorce the words from the man and arrive at a peculiar prose that is entertaining in a way that’s similar to, say, Hunter S. Thomson or Klaus Kinski.

Again, aside from the very real issues that I mentioned above, I think that discomfort with Sheen’s shenanigans may be more due to the ubiquity of TV cameras and the 24-hour celeb-news cycle than the actual behavior or underlying causes (grim as they may be). For better or worse (probably better), HST or Kinski’s rampages were not fodder for cable TV and the internet.

In a world where CNN broadcasts “Autotuned Gaddaffi,”it is incredibly difficult to separate horror from humor. But perhaps it always was.

As you were.