Our Neighborhood.

Our pad is located in the Friendship Heights section of DC, which is filled with old people and shoppers. One block from our apartment is a major retail hub with fancy-pants stores like Tiffany's, Van Clef & Arples and Neiman Marcus. I call it Fauxdeo Drive.

At some point in our neighborhood's history, they thought it'd be keen to place *lifelike* sculptures of *regular people* in *realistic* poses on street corners and in communal areas. I might add that these are appallingly bad sculptures — adequately representational, but just off enough to be a grotesque mockery of humanity.

One of the sculptures is of an area cop who passed away some time ago. I'm sure he was a swell fella, but I find it hard to believe that he would've wanted to be immortalized like this:

Is that not a fucked-up pose?

And what is that expression, exactly? Kindliness? Compassion? Constipation?

Another headshot. Lovely wife in background.

Those veins on his hands are highly textural. And incredibly gross.

That might be a working surveillance device — this is Washington.

A walkie-talkie ain't all he's packing.

They should really think about adding an Indian, construction worker and leatherman.

Here's his story. But this patrolman has a dirty secret not revealed in the official bio...

Late at night, he likes to "cop" a feel!

Comments

[Sean]

if i were depressed today, this would surely cheer me up. great action pose Brooke, it is the stuff of legend!

[jay]

Man, that thing is creepy...when I die I want someone to make a statue of me and pose it searching though the avant-garde vinyl section at Pure Pop.

[Molly]

Not sculpture.

Taxidermy.

[casey]

Sean: this thing has cheered me up more times than I can count. Which is also creepy, now that I think about it.

Molly: It truly begs the question — is he dead or memorex?

Jay: I think they could just pour liquid latex down the steps of the store, and you'd be frozen like an insect in amber. Hmmm, kind of like Bodies: The Exhibition, which we went to yesterday. More on that later...

[Brad]

I've seen something like this before, but it was totally bronze. This sculpture, and the one I've seen, are kind of like scarecrows for humans. I guess that when people see a policeman, even if it is a mannequin or statue, they 'behave.'

[Herb]

Poor Brooke. Another staggering example of the kind of abuse of power that has left DC the vile cesspool it's become.