The Contrarian

Satan's Stargate.

Our friend Tanner hipped us to this awesome YouTube clip of an odd British gentleman explaining how the Large Hadron Collider is a Gateway to the Old Gods. Actually, he calls it Satan's Stargate, but whatevs.

To be fair, the Hadron project has spurred some quasi-legitimate fears about accidental black holes. (Dvorsky examined the collider's existential risk factor not too long ago.) But a trans-dimensional portal through which the Nephilim will reenter  our realm? That's a new one. 

Favorite quote: "Allegedly the machine is to find a particle. . . nicknamed by the scientists or the Freemasons — same thing — as the God particle." And: "You could be seeing some flying saucers by this summer." The latter probably depend on this year's mushroom crop. . . right Jebson?.

Enjoy:

Happy Grand Theft Auto IV Day!

I finally broke down and purchased a Playstation 3, just so I could run over hookers and crackheads in Grand Theft Auto IV. GTA is the only video game I actually play, and I knew there wouldn't be a PS2 version, so here we are.

Blu-Ray's victory in the hi-definition DVD war was also a factor in my decision. Since the PS3 uses that format, I thought it would be a cost-effective way to dive into the hi-def video pool. Dudes, this game is gonna look so fucking hot on my 42" flat panel TV.

OK. Take a deep breath and try not to be so materialistic. . .

The only bummer is that I ordered the game and console from Amazon, 'cause I hate going into big boxes. (I also don't want to get stabbed over a copy.)

Amazon shipped the game (and HDMI cable) this morning, but have yet to get the PS3 out the door. It's supposed to arrive on May 5, which means I won't even have it by the weekend. Now I'm wondering if I should just scrap that part of the order and rush over to Best Buy.

In other news, I had to do a one-day turnaround on some Congressional testimony. I'd have panicked, if it wasn't a semi-regular occurrence. I'm not complaining; I like to work under pressure. Plus it's about the importance of net neutrality to the independent music community — a subject I'm pretty familiar with.

Here's something I forgot to tell you: Jebson's post on Aleister Crowley's Temple of Thelema in Cefalu, Sicily was entry number 666 ! I know, I can't believe it, either. We're magickal up in this mofo.

Here's some links about GTA IV, and a video featuring music by the almighty Mastodon:

New York Times poops its editorial pants over the game's witty repartee and ultraviolence.

Slate praises its "narrative richness."

This guy just thinks it's naughty.

But the game is already selling like hotcakes. Hotcakes that have been run over by a crazed Eastern European thug in a supercharged v8!

La Dolce Vita and Soak Me in Cognac. . . By Jebson Interlandi

For the past twelve days, I’ve been sauntering through the healthy climes of Italy. When the Prez first gave word of my “assignment,” I booked a flight to Palermo and eagerly waited my expense check. This was his faxed memo to yours truly:

“Foreign Correspondent Interlandi: The Contrarian will provide supplies and means for your immediate travel to Cefalu, Sicily, in order for you to take photographs of Aleister Crowley’s Abbey of Thelema. Western Union has your money."

It could’ve been my Great Shark Hunt, but that cheap bastard of a Prez only wired me 15 bucks with a pathetic note: “Hey Jeb, be sure to learn about Cefalu and have some 'Za on me." Luckily, I had recently won a fair amount of cash in a game of chance with some street urchins in Amsterdam. Let that be a lesson to those scamps — never bet against a blue-eyed Italian on a hasheesh bender.

My time in Cefalu was flush with hiking, sun, gelato, vin della casa and seafood. On the last day I finally managed to find Crowley’s old residence, which proved to be a difficult search as there are no signs advertising its whereabouts. Situated beside the soccer stadium, the decrepit compound of that charismatic and influential magus still stands, enshrouded in palm tree-overgrowth.

The house has surely seen better days — its roof is crumbling away and the rooms are littered with rubble. In fact, there’s no reason at all to visit the Abbey, other than to see Crowley’s now-faded artwork on the sanctum's innermost walls.

I experienced a warm, tingling sensation, however, as I stood on the floor where Crowley once performed his unique rituals. Hashish, goats, yoga, sodomy, cocaine, Egyptian incantations, 69ing. . . the energy still lingers. No, not really. Any sensations come solely from the historical imagination. But all in all, it was pretty cool:

The Wickedest Bungalow in the World.

Rec Room Window of the Damned.

DirectTV Antenna picks up "Cooking with the Scarlet Lady (a.k.a. Rachael Ray.)"

Satan's housekeeper is clearly on vacation.

The smiley cock-boobs demon makes you feel right at home.

Translation: Perdurabo gives good head.

Better soak me in Michelob Ultra instead — I'm counting carbs.

A similar design can be found in the Romney family room.

If you want to know how it all really went down during those dark nights at Thelema, watch this clip. Yes, that is Ron Jeremy as the priest.

After Sicily I took a Ferry to Naples. I’m not a fan of that burg, and I don’t expect I’ll ever go back.

Rome is, other than Paris, my favorite city for overall aesthetics. Any metropolis that's laden with statues and fountains (especially fountains) naturally wins my endorsement.

My favorite region in all of Italy is Cinque Terre. On the northern coast of the Mediterranean, these 5 coastal villages are all connected by an 8 mile hiking trail with bedazzling views of the verdant surroundings. The ambrosial air is perfumed with a sweet, floral fragrance. I also read a lot of Maupassant and Gautier on this trip.

Last stop was Florence, which is another open-air museum. I thank The Contrarian for granting me a period of renewal and professional leisure.

For anyone interested in Aleister Crowley, you might like to know there’s a new book on the way entitled, Aleister Crowley and the Temptation of Politics by Marco Pasi (my current professor). The English translation should hit the stores in a month or two.

Pope Visits Yorkville. . . by James P. Caldwell

   

This weekend, Pope Benedict XVI (we call him "the one-six" around the office) visited a church in Yorkville, the neighborhood in Manhattan where I live. It was a great day for Yorkville. There was a crapload of firepower in the neighborhood, and a few of the Irish bars were packed with patrons honoring his Holiness' visit by getting even more shit-faced than usual.

Yorkville is an old German neighborhood, so it's fitting that Benedict would stop by. In the early 1900's, the bulk of Manhattan's German population moved from the Lower East Side to Yorkville. Today it's been diluted by some Irish and a fair amount of white Anglo's like me, but there's an old German church on my block and a genuine beer hall around the corner.

For the Pope's visit, we decided to do a little reading at the office and discovered that in the '30s, the neighborhood  was filled with people who thought Hitler would really make a wonderful party guest. We also learned that by traveling down 87th St. yesterday (the wrong way, I might add), his Holiness passed within two blocks of 178 E 85th St., which during the 1930's served as the national headquarters of Fritz Kuhn's German American Bund, also known as the fun-loving American Nazi Party. So you could say it was almost like a homecoming for his Holiness.

The Contrarian staff on the scene:

Satan's City.

Pentagram and Evil Bunny Man — all the proof we need?

There's a kitschy article in the Washington Post today about how DC is born of the Devil. The evidence? A couple of quotes from John McCain jokingly referring to the District as "Satan's City," and an inverted pentagram from Dupont and Logan Circles to the foot of the White House. Oh, and they filmed The Exorcist in Georgetown.

But wait, there's more:

The most persistent rumblings about Washington as the devil's workshop seem bound up in history about the city's design and the role of Freemasons in building it. It's a connection explored in the three-hour DVD "Riddles in Stone: The Secret Architecture of Washington, D.C.," which notched a respectable 90th out of 1,363 titles recently in Amazon's general history documentary category.

A DVD, eh? How about this book by David Ovason, which takes a credibly exhaustive, historically accurate look at the architecture of our nation's capital and how it fits with a greater esoteric understanding. Our Founders were hip to the importance of constructing the Federal City to align with astrological sources of power. Ye Olde Architect Pierre Charles L'Enfant and others were supposedly following the Egyptian and Roman model of urban design, in which key structures were built to correspond with heavenly bodies of supposed metaphysical significance. Here in DC, you can see the evidence of such design not only in architectural placement, but also in symbolic "code" found on sundry statuary and ornamentals. Ovason's book features a foreword by  C. Fred Kleinknecht, former Sovereign Grand Commander of the Supreme Council of the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry for the Southern Jurisdiction of the U.S. So you know it's legit!

The Post article doesn't really get into any of this, of course. It's far too easy to wring whatever pop-cultural juice is left from the "Satanic Panic" exploitation of the '80s and early '90s. But I did learn that esoteric-conspiracy hack Dan Brown is hard at work on a "novel" about the Freemasons and the Dark Secrets of the District. Which means us occult history nerds should have something new to ridicule soon.

Copyleft Hand Path.

Musician-reprobate Chuckles Manson is releasing his new record via Creative Commons license, according to Wired's Listening Post blog.

The article makes the usual assumptions that Manson is just a talentless crazy, which is not at all true. Back in the day, he had the ears of at least two Beach Boys, Neil Young, producer Terry Melcher and countless young STD-incubators. Personally, I'd rather listen to Manson than Devendra Banhart. What's the difference, besides multiple homicide and cleaner production? Oh yeah, Charlie is a better singer.

Haven't heard this stuff yet, but it might not be that great, considering he recorded it in 2005. How's that for music snobbery? "Dude, I don't listen to Manson after '71. He lost his edge after he was incarcerated."

But hey, the CC license means you can share it, remix it, mail it to the pigs in a bloody sack — whatever. They're also offering a CD version, which you can buy for $15. Don't worry, Charlie probably won't see a dime. If he does get paid, I suggest he spend his duckets on laser removal surgery for that horrible forehead tattoo of his.

Call Manson dangerous. Call him manipulative. But don't call him a hack. Dude is the true forefather of "New Weird America," or whatever the genre jargon is. I say let him out now and put him on a bill with Roky Erickson and Brian Wilson and package it as the American Flashback Tour.

I smell merchandising. . . or is that patchouli and paranoia?

Well, Except One.

Buddhism has some fairy tales in it, but it's prescriptions and disciplines are hardly make-believe. Of course, it might not even be a religion. Or "true," for that matter. [Giggle.]

Thanks to Murf from False 45th for this gem of an article: "Businesses Owners, Customers Upset Over Controversial Billboard." But the rest of us just have deal with your ubiquitous "Christian" propaganda.

Hey, WE GOT OUR HOUSE!!!!!!!

The Lord does move in mysterious ways!

Little Kid is Posessed by MySpace.

This young man could give Linda Blair a run for her money. Watch it all. But if you work in a cubicle, you might want to slip on some headphones and turn the volume down, lest your co-workers think you're rasslin' a rabid ferret.

A Sad Day for Civil Liberties.

Amendment Number:  S.Amdt. 3907  to S.Amdt. 3911  to S. 2248 

(FISA Amendments Act of 2007)

Statement of Purpose:  To strike the provisions providing immunity from civil liability to electronic communication service providers for certain assistance provided to the Government.

Vote Counts:

YEAs    31

NAYs    67

Not Voting    2

That's right, the telecoms have legal immunity to spy on American citizens. Looks like a few Dems voted on the side of Evil. But not our Obama. Say, where was Hillary? My guess is Texas. . .

"I Cannot Let My Campaign Be a Part of Aiding a Surrender to Terror"

Douchebag.