The Contrarian

Sick Again.

Why is the goofy man with no pants pointing a gun? 'Cause he's a high school chem teacher, duh!

Brooke is super-sick; I'm on the mend. We both had a nasty stomach flu. Her ailments were compounded by an adverse reaction to prescription medication. Almost had to go to the emergency room, but thankfully, the worst has passed.

Let's talk TV for a minute. Yeah, I know — the writer's strike is still wreaking havoc on programming. But Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are back on, at least. I even caught a new "Real Time With Bill Maher" the other day. I missed that feisty bastard.

There's also a great new show on AMC called "Breaking Bad." It's about a high school chemistry teacher (the dad from "Malcolm in the Middle") who starts cooking meth in order to pay his family's medical bills. The comedy is pitch-black, but the situations — particularly the broken middle class stuff — ring grimly true. AMC is gunning to be the new HBO, and they're off to a good start."Mad Men" was truly excellent, and "Breaking Bad" looks similarly promising.

I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed to reveal this or not, but we're getting pretty into "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles." Way better than it has any right to be. And it's got Summer Glau — the freaky weaponized teen from "Firefly"/Serenity. She plays the "good" terminator, and looks mighty fine doing it.

Did you guys catch the last Democratic debate? Holy shit, I thought someone was gonna lose an eye.

Matching the debates for intensity is everybody's favorite "best show on television," "The Wire." Omar vs. Marlo is shaping up to be a battle royale.

If that shit's too heavy for you, try Metal Elvis:

OK. Time to hit the Benadryl.

The Dump.

Found a few things worth linking to. . .

British Lord talks about copyright, P2P and Klaxons. Wish I could be a Lord.

Net Neutrality: FCC probes Comcast; AT&T pals up with NBC to create anti-pirating filters.

Speaking of Comacast, the company claims it's going to unleash 100 mbps broadband in 2008. So how come my connection is only slightly faster than dial-up? It's Comacastic!

Here's one made just for me: Company unveils bed with web, iPod, DVR.

Short article about the end of DRM, with a good analysis of how Apple actually benefited from proprietary restrictions.

It remains to be seen whether or not the MP3 is actually good for rock 'n' roll. The verdict on the vinyl 45, however, is in.

A group of hackers is vowing to destroy P2P, “one step at a time.” Has the RIAA launched a covert op against filesharing sites and apps?

The writers strike is making people watch more video on the web. Say, isn't that what they're striking about?

I really like the new Magnetic Fields record, Distortion. Now I just gotta find a way to write about it.

Nick Cave's website is awesome. Check out the video for the new Bad Seeds song, "Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!" RIGHT NOW!

Mad Season.

These two do not hook up, for reasons viewers will readily comprehend.

Again, not much time for a big post today — lots of work stuff to do, including preparation for a Senate hearing on the future of radio. Which is tomorrow.

Are any of you fans of the AMC show "Mad Men?" Because we've only mentioned how much we love it, oh, a half-dozen times. The season finale was last Thursday; I finally caught it on Sunday night. Gorgeous and affecting as always. The good news is that now you don't have to complain about jumping in mid-season — you can watch it from the beginning via iTunes or just wait for the DVD (I'll be bugging you about that later). If you have one of those nifty cable DVR boxes and get AMC, you should check it out on-demand. Go ahead, spend a weekend. You know you want to.

The Onion A.V. Club published a spoiler-rich recap the other day. It won't make much sense if you haven't already seen the show, but it constitutes a ringing endorsement. Here's an excerpt about my current TV crush, the heavenly Christina Hendricks:

On-the-nose or not, Christina Hendricks’ performance as imperious office slut Joan was never less than a marvel, especially towards the end of the season, when the extent of her melancholy affair with Roger was revealed.

Appreciators of stunningly voluptuous women who can act have even more reason to watch!

Random Mutations.

I strive to compose themed posts, and not just schizophrenic spatterings. But sometimes there's no choice. So please forgive my indulgence in the arbitrary. I'm only human.

Cleveland has been popping up on my radar a lot lately. First there's the school shooting, which, while not as casualty-heavy as other recent massacres, is yet another indicator of our sad society. Also, I got a semi-random inquiry as to whether or not I'd consider taking a Music Editor position at that city's alt-newsweekly. I know next to nothing about Cleveland, other than it "rocks" and it's in Ohio. But if the folks CNN has interviewed on camera are any indication, I think I know about as much as I want to. OK, that's not really fair. I'm sure there's lots to recommend it. Like maybe the R & R Hall of Fame?

This morning I was e-mailed two, count 'em, two separate articles on the jackboot business practices of Victory Records. Both were published in the Cleveland Scene, and both are by the same author. I've done some independent research into Tony Brummel's paranoid and self-serving leadership style, so I merely skimmed them. But if you don't already know the story, it's worth checking out, if only to marvel at the dude's utter cretinousness: "Victory at All Costs," "Hollow Victory." 

Did anyone catch Lynne Cheney on "The Daily Show" last night? I thought she fared pretty well, actually. I loved it it when she gifted Jon Stewart with an "old family heirloom" — an oversized Darth Vader figurine. "Does it have a microphone in it?" Stewart quipped.

Cheney was remarkably forthcoming about her opposition to a constitutional amendment on gay marriage. She claims both she and her husband have been vocal about their opinions all along, which, despite their daughter's open lesbianism, strains credulity. Nevertheless, "The Daily Show" is a loud megaphone — perhaps her appearance will embolden homosexual Republicans (or as Boy George calls 'em, vegetarian butchers) to come out of the bathroom stall.

Excuse the fact that Lynne Cheney is married to one of the most despicable men on the planet, and she seems like a decent enough woman. Everybody's got their blind spot, right? Stewart, for his part, was exceptionally polite throughout the interview. Especially in comparison with the douching he gave Chris Matthews. But who is more complicit in our country's moral and intellectual decline? I'd say Cheney, even if by proxy. C'mon Jon, grow a pair.

Have a look, while the embed lasts.

Part One:

Part Two:

This is old, but still somewhat amusing: French Vogue's Satanic Fashion Spread.

Ronnie James Dio has a reputation as a sweet guy; kinda like your heavy metal grandpa. But mention ex-Dio axeman Vivian Campbell (currently of Def Leppard), and the horns come out. And we're not talking about his patented gang sign, either. Check it:

End Transmission.

Stewart Hardballs Matthews: In Case You Missed It.

"I'm not trashing your book, I'm trashing your philosophy of life." — Jon Stewart to Chris Matthews.

Nothing stays fresh for long on these here internets, but some things are worth a second look. Like the recent "Daily Show" segment featuring Chris Matthews getting verbally battered by Jon Stewart. The clip is just as funny/intense as when it aired a few nights ago.

For the record, I like Chris Matthews. Sure, he's incorrigible and has a tendency to interrupt people when they're talking. But there's a genuine joy in his eyes which illustrates how much he loves his job. I find this endearing, as I do his goofy laugh and impish smile. Do I have a man-crush? Perhaps. Matthews regularly takes positions that are anathema to both sides of the political spectrum; he's a true Contrarian. But I don't doubt his love for our country, as warped by Dead White Guy-worship as it may be. Plus we're neighbors — Matthews lives in Chevy Chase. (But don't we all, really?)

Anyway, it's hilarious to see Stewart put the screws to him.

Despite the combativeness of the interview (or perhaps because of it), both men appear to be having a blast. Matthews, who probably isn't used to having the tables turned as such, has an excuse for belligerence; Stewart gets to play the Righteous Joucularist, a role he's nearly perfected. Everybody's happy!

Viacom is always quick to put the kibosh on YouTube, so here's a temporary embed:

If it disappears, you can always watch it at the Comedy Central site. Be sure to tell us what you think. . .

Linkdump & TV Talk.

Myself or one of my underlings will be back a little later with a more substantive post, but 'til then. . .

The music business is in free-fall. Artists don't make any money. The CD is dead. Blogs have a negligible effect on sales. Time to start a label?

Maybe we can sell lossy, compressed audio via Amazon!

Here's the tracklisting for the third installment of that dumb rock guitar video game everyone loves so much but I can't stand.

Speaking of guitars, check out this adorable little amp!

Onward.

The new TV season is upon us. Snobs, you can stop reading and go whittle yourselves a chessboard.

The rest of the world has already done their fall season previews, but we might as well reveal what we're excited about (and what we can't stand).

Happy to have "House," The Office," Dexter" and "Weeds" back. Don't blow it, kids.

"Curb Your Enthusiasm" officially sucks. If you can't recognize this simple fact, you're in denial. Last season was weak, but this one is downright unwatchable. The scenarios are forced and completely out-of-touch with reality, sapping the show of its comedic juice. One-trick-ponies don't necessarily bother me — I like "Little Britain," after all. But I cannot tolerate this degree of laziness. Larry David, methinks it's time to gather your fat wad of cash and go home.

On a brighter note, AMC has renewed "Mad Men," which is possibly the best program currently on television. Well, at least until "The Wire" comes back. Buy it from iTunes or wait for the DVDs, but watch, for chrissakes! A word of warning to those who like crime scenes and 'splosions: nothing happens on this show. But gorgeously.

Ken Burns' new documentary, "The War," is heartbreaking, to say the least. Best thing about the 14-hour series so far? No Shelby Foote! Not sure if the WWII lot are really the Greatest Generation, but I do know this: when asked to make sacrifices for the future of freedom, they did more than just go shopping.

You can feel free to skip "Chuck," on the CW. It blows. Hope "Reaper" (which premieres tonight) is better.

The Season Two debut of "Heroes" was a little wobbly, but there seems to be plenty of room to for the storyline(s) to develop.

Since we're still talkin' TV. . . caught Janeane Garofalo (who has inexplicably been added to the cast of "24") on the most recent episode of "Real Time With Bill Maher." This woman makes me ashamed of my liberal tendencies. She loves making a big production of the fact that she doesn't have a computer and refuses to use e-mail. What kind of stance is this? Listen, sweetie: your Luddite perversions in no way benefit your argument that we're being misinformed by our government. In fact, they undermine it. How am I supposed to trust the political/cultural opinions of someone who gets their information solely from the print editions of newspapers and CNN? And I'm sorry, but The Nation doesn't count.

I also want to chastise Maher for his knee-jerk support of Israel, which flies completely against his usual logic. Maher gets livid when religion is used as the basis for political and militaristic maneuvering, but in Israel's case, he's  OK with it. How is the idea of displacing an entire group of people because God wants you to live on a particular patch of dirt any less absurd than clitoral mutilation to appease the spirits? Maher also regularly speaks out against propping up a democracy (Iraq) in the middle of a hostile region with no such history. Yet he has no problem with our endless suppling of hardware (and intel) to the Israeli government — regardless of the cost in world standing, treasure or Palestinian livelihood. This is definitely mister smarty-pants libertarian's Achilles heel. As Bill himself might say, we still love you — just a little less.

OK, rant is done. Off to fill the universe with boundless compassion.

New Worst Ad Ever.

We here at The Contrarian Media watch television, probably way more than we should. But if we weren't whiling away our semi-precious hours with eyes glued to our luxurious flat screen, we'd no doubt miss exquisitely horrible shit like the commercial for Domino's new "Oreo Desert Pizza." Could this campaign be the new "Yoplait is like zen wrapped in karma wrapped in chocolate?" Early indicators are positive. Watch and be destroyed:

Kind of reminds me of a Jazz Guys video:

Not of the same product line, but equally disturbing:

For more insight into the world of hyper-awful TV marketing, see this Slate feature.

OK, off to work on what may actually become the new album...

Dear Lou

To: Lou Dobbs
CNN Center, New York

From: The Contrarian Media Group
South Bronx Offices
August 3rd, 2007

Dear Lou,

Hello! I'm a big fan of yours, Mr. Dobbs — I watch your show all the time! It's great. I especially like it when you get all worked up and shake your head back and forth. It's awesome! I always yell, "Go get 'em, Lou!"

Anyway, I wanted to get in touch with you regarding this immigration business. I know you've been fairly outspoken about getting rid of the Mexicans, and I was wondering if you could allay some of my concerns because, frankly, I'm a little worried.

I work for a company called The Contrarian Media Group — perhaps you've heard of us? We're no CNN, but we try. And we're really taking off! I was originally hired as a "filing associate" and after only a week and a half was promoted to "reporting associate." We just moved to new offices in the South Bronx, so we're pretty excited. It's a big step up for us — we've got much more space, a freight elevator and even a little lawn out front!

Now, as a fellow journalist, I know you can appreciate how time consuming covering the news can be. There's always something going on! Recently, we had to hire a few new people to take care of the non-journalistic things that need tending to around the office. We brought on board Juan, who's sort of an all-around maintenance guy, and Angel, whom we hired as a security man (we're pretty much the only white people around here).

Needless to say, Juan and Angel are absolutely essential to our business. I pick up Juan in front of Dunkin' Donuts three days a week and bring him to the office to mow the lawn and, if he gets that done, to do some data entry and filing. He's always very animated when I pick him up in the morning, yapping about revolucion and such, and spitting on the dash board of my Taurus. Angel rides his BMX to work.

These guys are hard workers, Lou. For example, due to recent budget problems, Juan has to use one of those old fashioned hand mowers with no motor. But does that slow him down? Heck no, Lou! You should see him go! He's actually outside my window right now fashioning that nice cross-hatch pattern into the grass I enjoy so well. He even takes the time to remove the little pinwheels I put out there for color.

Anyway, here's my concern. I'm not sure of Juan and Angel's respective legal status but I don't think it's necessarily kosher, if you know what I mean. (I don't speak Mexican, so we have a bit of a communication gap whenever I ask to see their papers). Anyway, like I said I watch your show all the time and I gather from your newscasts that if you have your way, Juan and Angel will be going back home soon. And what I'm worried about is, if you take Juan away, who's going to mow our lawn?

See, here at The Contrarian we like our grass cut a certain way... the Mexican way.

And if Angel leaves, who's going to make sure no one steals the hubcaps off my Taurus while I'm in my office covering the news?

Now, believe me Lou, I'm no stranger to the "get rid of the Mexicans" movement. My girlfriend is from the South, and if you think they don't like the Mexicans up here... holy crap. It's hard to watch TV with her because every time a Mexican comes on the screen she yells, "Get him!" It's a bit disruptive when I'm trying to follow a complicated episode of "Law and Order."

Anyway, I'm writing to ask for a special dispensation for Juan and Angel to stay in the country should their people be forced to leave. They are aspiring journalists, Lou, just as you and I once were. Let's give them a chance.

Well, I've got a little bit more journalism to do before I knock off for the day, so I'll end here. Thanks for taking the time to consider my request. See you tonight on TV!

Sincerely,

James "Cannonballs" Caldwell

The Contrarian Media Group, LLC

P.S. — Do that thing tonight where you shake your head back and forth and sigh!!!

Mad TV.

If you have cable, set aside an hour on Wednesday at 10 p.m. to watch the pilot episode of "Mad Men" on AMC. Or at least fire up your DVR.

The introductory episode of this period piece about Madison Avenue ad execs in the '50s is dazzling. It's rare for a show to posess such poise and confidence in its debut.

The tone is perfect. As it began, I felt like I'd stumbled into a program that had already hit its stride. The cinematography undoubtedly has a lot to do with the crisp look, which is like a page out of Life magazine. [Editor's note: the music is incredible, too!] AMC snuck its "Mad Men" crew from the HBO talent closet, stacking the deck with producers, writers, directors and others boasting "Sopranos" and "Big Love" credits.

I wonder — did HBO pass on this program in favor of dreck like "John From Cincinnati?" If so, they should be ashamed.

The actors on MM all do a fine job, and many of them may seem vaguely familiar to viewers. A peek at the IMDB cast list reveals a smattering of smaller roles on network shows I personally haven't seen.

Attitudes towards women and minorities were very different a half-century ago, and "Mad Men" casts a harsh light on the era's often reprehensible status quo. It's refereshing to see a retro show that doesn't gloss these biases over with a sheen of supposed innocence.

And the characters drink. A lot.

I can only hope that the next episode is as good as the first.

Breaking Omerta.

The following exegesis is by request. If you're not a fan of The Sopranos (what's wrong with you?) or have yet to watch the final episode (again, what's wrong with you?), feel free to skip this entry.

There's really not much to say that hasn't been said by the dream team of TV analysts over at Slate. I highly recommend reading their spirited back and forth, which takes criticism and color commentary to a whole new level. Who knew that NBC News anchor and frequent guest writer Brian Williams was so damn funny?

Anyway, I thought the final show was terrific. The entire episode was surreal, with loads of suggestive music cues (Vanilla Fudge's cover of "You Keep Me Hanging On; Bob Dylan's "It's Alright, Ma...") and devious plot fake-outs. I definitely felt like I was being fucked with. But brilliantly so. And you gotta love those scenes with the cat.

Carm smells what, exactly, in the safe house? Did A.J. and Rhiannon enter some kind of sexy suicide pact? No wait -- he's merely as bad at parking as he is at pronouncing Yeats.

Speaking of parking, Meadow probably wouldn't have passed the road test I recently took. The final scene with the family chowing down on greasy onion rings while suspicious customers haunt the periphery is one of the most tense few minutes of television I've ever seen. The lack of payoff does nothing to diminish the power of the setup.

So what really happened to Tony? Some say the abrupt cut to black signifies his demise. Let's not forget the discussion earlier in the series during which one of the goombahs (Sil? Bobby? Big Puss?) stated that when you die, the screen goes dark. Of course, there's also Bobby B.'s quote in the first episode of the final season: "You probably don't even hear it when it happens." Maybe you hear Journey.

The climax was, obviously, left up to the viewer to interpret. And here's another clue for you all (no, the walrus is not Tony): The B-side to "Don't Stop Believin'" is "Any Way You Want It." Get it?

I prefer to think that Tony lives. Maybe he gets indicted, maybe he doesn't. Perhaps he gets whacked further down the line. For now, I imagine him carrying on as he always has, trying to nullify his narcissism and immorality with anything available -- gambling, sex, "terapy," power grabs, pharmaceuticals, family, etc.

You are what you are, is David Chase's message to us. And that's as grimly final as any ending could be.